Over time

Chapter Nineteen

Kara

My whole body is shaking with nerves. My senses are on high alert. I'm so aware of Tony. I feel his heated gaze on me as we make our way towards my car. I have decided that we talk in the comfort of my home. I left the twins at moms for a sleepover. I know that this is going to be a long evening. We have so many things to talk about. I don't know where to begin , but I'm hoping that by the end of it I will receive Tony's forgiveness if nothing else.

Once settled in the car I could not help but feel the heat emanating from Tony's body. We have not uttered a single word to each other and this is only adding more to an already tense atmosphere.

I am avoiding his eyes as much as I can for I'm afraid of what I'll see in them. His making it very difficult for as he continues to stare.

My hands are shaking as I start the car and eventually I manage to drive out the car park taking a left to head home. The drive is not that long but I feel that it's taking forever. Why is he so damn quiet? I think to myself. Come on this is Tony Mitchell. He loves to make ne feel awkward as fuck with his flirty one liners. But he just content to just sit and stare.

I'm glad that we have finally arrived and I quickly park in the driveway. I don't wait for Tony , I quickly walk up the pathway and open the door. Leaving it open I rush to the bathroom and just in the knick of time I made it to the sink where I throw up. It's the nerves. I'm all over the place. The tension, the atmosphere , it's to much. I feel that I'm going to faint but I refuse to chicken out.

Quickly cleaning the basin,I brush my teeth and wash my mouth thoroughly then splash water on my face. I look at myself in the mirror and chanted the three words that have seen me through many testing times. '' I am strong. I am strong. I am strong.'' I gave myself one final look and turned the doorknob, opening the door to head down back to the living room.

''God! What must Tony be thinking?'' I mutter to myself, leaving him to fend for himself. I feel the blush covering my face. Great!!

Tony was standing with his back to me. He was looking at the pictures on the wall. Family pictures of the twins and I. The whole side of the wall was covered. Yep. Like mother,like children. I love taking photos. The twins whole life is practically up there and Tony was lost in the pictures. He was so caught up that he did not hear me entering the room. I stood and watched him.

My heart clenched. Although older I still manage to catch a glimpse of the boy that I had fallen in love with. That boy has grown into a beautiful man. A man who should feel like a stranger for I left a young man behind but nothing about him feels strange at all. In fact for some reason seeing him now as a man I feel more attracted to him. The way he looked at me before is nothing to the way he looks at me now. I feel exposed and vulnerable when his beautiful eyes are on me.

Tony finally turned around and caught me staring at him. I don't know what it was but I felt bold in the moment and I didn't look away. I held on to his stare. His eyes changed to a darker colour which indicated that he was affected the same as me. He started to make his way towards me not once breaking eye contact. I held my ground until he was just a few inches away from me.

His gaze travelled over my face and stopped at my scar ,then without warning he reached out and grazed it with his thumb. I stood still and my lips parted with surprise. He looked up at me and continued rubbing his thumb over and over the scar ever so gently. This small act confirmed what I needed and my heart soared. I felt my eyes tearing up and before I knew it he pulled me into his arms.

Not a single word was spoken. He held me close. His grip possessive and tight. I didn't care for I mimicked him. I buried my face in his neck and clinged on to him as if he was my lifeline. I guess he was. I Wanted to disappear into him. I wanted him to swallow me whole and to become one. God, I've missed this man. This man who I don't deserve. This beautiful, forgiving man who has missed out on so much. I couldn't do it no more so I broke down. I cried for the past, , I cried for Tony and for our children missing out having their father in their life , I cried for the time wasted. The tears wouldn't stop and through it all My beautiful ,man just held me. Whispering sweet words of comfort. kissing my tears away, again and again.

Finally when I was exhausted he picked me up and carried me to the sofa. He sat down with me in his arms and I curled up against him. I could hear his rapid heartbeat. It was a soothing sound. I looked up at him and he turned his face towards me.

''I don't' know what to say Tony. Sorry seems so inadequate. Please forgive ....''. I didn't get to finish for he gripped my chin and his lips came crashing down on mines. Momentarily stunned I finally kissed him back. The kiss had all the emotions that we felt. Forgiveness, love,acceptance,need, to name a few. He deepened it further and we both knew that there was going to be only one outcome. We couldn't deny each other no more. To much precious time has been wasted and we were not willing to waste anymore.

Breaking away from him I stood up and looked down at him. We were both out of breath. His face was flushed and his eyes were dark with desire. I put out my hand to him and he took it without a word. Pulling him up I started to make my way upstairs with him close behind me. I led him to my bedroom. I had barely turned around when Tony pulled me against him. I gasped and looked into his smouldering eyes.

Right in that moment I felt everything fall away. They was no denying what Tony was communicating to me just by looking at me. I saw forgiveness, understanding,longing and love.

I knew that I would forever remember this moment. He was baring his soul to me and in kind I returned the favour.

The night was filled with whispered promises. Kisses wiped away tears. Our bodies spoke a language of their own. It communicated what words couldn't. It was all we needed and when exhaustion took over we held each other and fell asleep to the sounds of our beating hearts.