I Lost Control

9. Roses

SUMMER
PRESENT DAY

I'm standing in the kitchen looking over some health forms for the school Landon will be attending in the fall, when there's a knock on the front door. My bare feet pad across the hardwood floors and when I swing the door open I'm greeted by a delivery man holding a bouquet of red roses. My eyes begin to burn as I reach for the vase.

"I just need your signature here, ma'am." He's an older man with lines around the corners of his mouth from aging. His eyes are warm and I want to reach out and hug him, though I'm sure he would think I'm crazy. I balance the bouquet of flowers against my side as I scribble a quick signature.

"Thank you." I whisper out to him as I shut the door with my foot. I rest the glass vase against the entry way table and stare at the beautiful arrangement for a moment without moving. I brush my fingers along the crimson petals before reaching for the card tucked delicately between the roses.

For everything you do when I'm not really here —M

My heart rate increases as I clutch the small card in my hands like a life vest. A few tears leak out of the corners of my eyes and I squeeze them shut to push the heavy feeling in my chest away. The front door swings open and Brian walks in with the twins. I'm snapped out of my daze and brush the tears from my cheeks while forcing a smile as I turn to them. Two large takeout bags adorn Brian's left arm and a drink carrier with coffee is balanced in his right.

"Hey, Sum. We picked up some Chinese on our way over." Brian greets as he shuffles his kids into the house without dropping a thing.

"Thank you." I hurry over to him and take the tray of coffee as the twins say their hellos and zoom off to Landon's play room.

"Take your shoes off, please!" Brian shouts after them as he shuts the door and turns to me.

"Saw the delivery guy." He points out the front door. I gesture towards the bouquet of roses and shrug. He looks down at the card in my hand and sighs. "What's it say this time?" I hold it out for him to take and his eyebrows scrunch.

"Maybe he really means it." Brian glances down at his watch.

"I guess we will find out soon enough." Brian makes his way into the kitchen and starts lining the island with the take out boxes. It all smells amazing and my stomach begins to growl. "You better get those forms turned in." Brian points at the health checklist I'd been looking over before the flowers arrived.

"I know. It's the last thing I have to finish up before he's officially a kindergartener." My expression hides none of the anxiety I'm feeling and Brian comes over to take me by the shoulders.

"Landon is going to be just fine. He's all you, Sum. He will have no trouble making friends." He tries to reassure me.

"What if he misses me? Or I miss him for that matter." Brian rolls his chocolate brown eyes and turns back to the food.

"That's going to happen, but it's normal. I promise." I let out a heavy sigh as I drag the paper over and stare at the print.

"I don't know how Matt expects me to just not work." I shove the paperwork away as I think of what Matt said about having another kid and reach for the iced beverage Brian had picked up for me on his way.

"You really still love him?" Brian asks without looking up as I take a drink of my latte. Brian has always known me deep down to the core. He knows me better than I know myself, sometimes.

"I love this Matt." I whisper as I look back down at the card that had been tucked into the roses.

"But he's rarely that way."

"When he is he's everything I could ever ask for." Brian lets out a deep sigh as he leans against the kitchen sink, his arms crossed against his chest, his eyes burning holes in me.

"You know there's someone out there who could be everything you need all the time, right?"

"Do we have to do this today, Bri?" I try to brush him off but he's not having it.

"We are going to do this every day until you wake up." I stare at him, my feelings hurt.

"You don't get to choose how I live."

"No, I don't, you do, and you're choosing wrong, Summer. I am so happy you're in my life. I'm so happy my kids get to have an influence like you after their mom left. I can't stand seeing you waste what you are on someone like him. Matt's my best friend and I thank him for bringing you into my life, but he does not deserve you." The words cut me deep down and my mouth opens and closes without having a real response.

"Just stop." I hold my hand up and turn away from him.

"Listen to me for once." The door leading to the garage opens and in walks Matt, his aviator sunglasses still covering his eyes and I hold my breath to see what kind of mood he's in. He makes his way across the kitchen, wraps his arms around my waist, and buries his face in my neck. My arms slip around his waist as I let out the breath I had been holding.

"I love you." Matt whispers just loud enough for me to hear as he pulls away. He pulls the shades from his eyes and places them on his head. "Did you get the flowers?"

"I did, thank you. They're beautiful." My heart is beating fast, a little shaken by the man I love who I rarely get to enjoy.

"Not as beautiful as you." He brushes his thumb against my chin before turning to his best friend.

"Thanks for bringing dinner." Matt tells Brian as he walks over and hugs him quickly, slapping his back with his hand the way men do, and turns back to me. Part of me wonders if they would be so close if Matt knew all of the things Brian tells me when he's not around. "Where's my little man?"

"Playing with the twins in the play room." Matt exits the kitchen and Brian stares at me with a frown.

"Just think about it." Brian whispers before following Matt out of the room. I rest my hands on the counter and lean, a deep breath leaving my lungs before pulling myself together and following the two men.