I Lost Control

16. Breakdown

SUMMER

Silent tears stream down my face as I finish packing my suitcase for our trip. Brian's words are a steady stream of noise inside my otherwise quiet mind. No thoughts of Matt. No thoughts of my son. Just the brown eyed man who had confessed his love not even an hour ago. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to rid myself of the emotion coursing through me, but it won't stop.

How could the person I have relied on emotionally for the past few years unload that kind of information on me before I leave with his best friend?

I throw my favorite strappy sandals in the bag and begin the impossible feat of zipping it closed before grabbing my purse and the plane tickets off the nightstand. My phone buzzes in my back pocket and I dig it out to see a text from Brian as well as three missed calls. My heart sinks as I shove the phone back in its place before heading for the door.

+

"I assumed you would be here sooner." Matt tells me as I enter his office.

"I would have been, but Landon was being unusually difficult." I sit down in the chair in front of his steel desk and cross my legs.

"What's up? You seem upset." Matt tells me as he comes over and brushes a strand of hair behind my ear. I force a believable smile and stand up to press a kiss to his lips.

"I'm okay, babe. I'm just going to miss Landon while we are gone. It was hard dropping him off with Brian." His name sticks in my throat and I pray Matt doesn't notice. The hazel eyed man stares at me for just a moment longer before smiling himself.

"He'll be fine. Brian loves him like we do and will take care of him. The point of this trip is for you to stop worrying for a few days."

"I know, but you know me." He lets out a laugh and I know I'm in the clear for now. Matt turns back to his desk and grabs his phone and sunglasses before pulling his keys out of his pocket.

"We'll leave your car here and take mine to the airport."

"Sounds good." I follow him out and Hanna is seated at her desk, the office phone pressed to her ear and a concerned expression on her face.

"Sir, I'm sure whatever the issue is we can get it sorted out for you. No, no I can't connect you to him at the moment. I apologize. He's out of the office for the time being."

"Everything okay?" Matt asks her and she covers the mouthpiece while whispering a 'yes.' He steps closer to her desk and presses the mute button as the person on the other line continues rambling.

"Who is it?" Matt asks.

"I'm not sure. He didn't give a name, just said he needed to speak with you immediately." Matt lets out a sigh before turning to me. "Wait here while I take care of this." I let out a huff before taking a seat in the waiting area. I look to Hanna who still looks flustered as she begins typing away.

"Are you sure everything is okay?" I ask her.

"I'm not sure. Whoever it was seemed awfully agitated. It was bizarre." I wait for a few minutes before pulling my phone out and prepare myself to read whatever it is Brian said to me.

'Please don't let this come between us. Just think about what I said, please, Summer. Just think about it.'

I quickly delete the message and throw my phone in my purse. Of course I'm thinking about it. I can't stop thinking about it.

My head quickly turns towards the door to Matt's office when I hear shouting. I stand from my seat as Hanna stands from hers, her eyes wide. I hurry over to the door and press my ear against it.

"You'll get fucking paid, so don't threaten me, ever. Got it?" I hear the sound of Matt slam the phone down and I step back from the door as soon as it swings open, which brings me face to face with a very flustered looking Matt.

"What are you doing?" His tone is harsh, accusing.

"I heard you yelling."

"So you thought you would eavesdrop?" He takes a step towards me as I take a step back. Meanwhile, Hanna just stands there not sure what to do.

"You need to relax."

"And you need to keep your nose out of business that doesn't pertain to you." At that moment, my heart sinks into my chest. Brian's words resonate loud in my mind. Matt is never going to change. He's always going to be what he is.

"I don't know what is going on with you," I say to him, my voice even and calm. "but I think the last thing we need is time together."

"What the fuck do you mean?" His eyes shift over my shoulder to Hanna who is watching the scene play out in silence. "Could you give us a minute?" He's not asking, he's telling, and she grabs her purse without question before exiting the office.

"I mean I think we need some time." I glance down at the floor. "I need some time." Matt is silent for a moment before stepping back into his office and slamming the door in my face.

I let out a shaky breath before covering my mouth with my hand. More silent tears. More pain in my chest. Now what? I run back over to my stuff, swing my purse over my shoulder and start texting the only person I can think of that can make me sane again.

My pace is fast, almost running, needing to be as far away from Matt as possible as fast as I can. Hanna is standing outside as I throw open the doors and run out of the building. I can hear her shouting after me but I ignore her as I get into my car.

+

His hands are soft. So much different than I'm use to. Matt's are rough, firm. These hands are strong, caressing all the right spots. I shove Brian back against the wall as soon as he opens the front door, my lips connecting with his instantly. I want him in a way I can't explain. I want him to fill the hole inside my chest from years of neglect. I want to feel something with him that I never get to feel from Matt. I want to be loved.

Brian's hands are sure, confident in their movements as he pulls me inside the house and kicks the door shut with his foot. He reverses our position, me against the wall, his body flush against mine. His lips move down my neck where he sucks hard enough to make me gasp, then soothing the sensation with his warm lips.

"Brian." I whisper out while closing my eyes. "Where are the boys?"

"Taking a nap." His lips leave my skin long enough to look me in the eyes. "You came back." There's no smile on his face or happiness in his eyes. He knows why I'm here. The tears start slow, but all the emotion I have felt all this time comes rushing at me. I can't stop the sobs as I slide down the wall and hug my knees to my chest.

"What am I doing?" I whisper out. Brian crouches down and takes my face in his hands. The feel of his skin is like something I can't describe.

"What happened?"

"It's just Matt, Bri. I can't do this anymore. I don't have anything left to give." My shoulders shake with the force of the sobs and Brian pulls me into his chest. His arms encircle me tight and I feel safer than I have in a long time. I bury my face in the crook of his neck as he holds me until the tears dry. We sit like that, me wrapped up in him, on the hardwood floors for what feels like forever. My grip on him loosens as I get myself under control and I lean back against the wall.

"Better?" Brian asks, a small smile forming. I nod my head and let out a breath.

"Better." His gaze lingers on me. "I'm sorry for kissing you. It was impulsive." Brian squeezes my leg before standing and holding out a hand to me. Once I'm on my feet he presses a kiss to my forehead.

"Let's make some food." Brian ignores my apology and heads into the kitchen. I'm left standing there, still a mess on the inside. I press my fingers to my lips and remember the way it felt to kiss him. It felt like something different.

Like something I want to feel again.