I Lost Control

24. Landon

SUMMER

I hurry in the front door to Brian's house in a whirlwind. The drive back had been a complete blur as I sped across town to get back to my son. I sweep my hair back behind my ear as I search the house for everyone and hear voices coming from upstairs. I hurry up to find them all in the twins' room watching a cartoon movie. Brian is sitting on the floor with Ryder, his eyes glued to the screen while Max and Landon are sitting in one of the beds together.

"Landon, hey." I rush over to the bed and see a bandage wrapped around his leg. I press my lips to the gauze and run my hand over his forehead and through his hair.

"I didn't hear you come in." Brian says as he looks up at me, but I brush him off. There's no emotion on his face but I can't worry myself with how he's feeling.

"Are you okay?" I ask my son as he looks around me to see the television screen. My heart drops. My son has no interest in talking to me. I didn't come to him when he was hurt and now I feel like the worst mother on the planet. "Landon." I turn his face to look at me and he scrunches his eyebrows. "Talk to me."

"I'm trying to watch the movie, mama." There's childish irritation in his voice.

"I want to know about your day." I tell him while trying to force a smile.

"I got to see daddy. He came and fixed me all up." More sinking in my chest. More burning at the backs of my eyes. He only wants to tell me about how he saw Matt and I'm reminded that I'm not the only one missing the father in his life.

"He's a great dad, isn't he?" I stand from the bed, afraid I'm going to lose it in front of the kids. I kiss Landon's forehead before leaving him to watch the movie and almost run out of the room. Once I'm out in the hallway I lean my back against the wall, my chest physically hurting. Brian steps out a moment later.

"Hey." He mumbles out as he grabs me by the arm. I'm pulled into his chest and I let out a deep breath as he hugs me.

"It's okay. Everything is fine."

"He needed me and I was too concerned with my problems to know." Brian holds me at arms length and his brown orbs penetrate straight into my soul.

"You have a lot going on, Summer. No one blames you."

"He blames me. He didn't even want to talk to me. My kid is upset and it's all my fault."

"The twins get pissed at me all the time. Do you know how many games I've missed because I've been stuck at work? Max ended up in the emergency room when I trusted a sixteen year old babysitter to watch them and I wasn't there to hold him when he hit his head on the tile floor. They forgive. They're young."

"Kids shouldn't have to forgive their parents, Brian. We are suppose to do the right thing for them no matter what and I'm not doing that for him." Brian let's out a sigh.

"I know this might sound crazy, but have you thought about letting Matt keep Landon for a day or two? Just so you can get yourself together."

"Not once." I snap.

"You aren't going to like what I have to say, but you chose Matt to be his father the day you let Landon call Matt 'dad.' Whether you like it or not, for Landon's sake, you two are in this together until Landon is 18. Matt and I don't always get along, but I trust him with my kids and I trust him with Landon. I know you do, too."

"Matt is out of control."

"He's his dad, Summer. He would never hurt him. It's different when he's with his kid."

"I don't know if I could do it. Landon never stays with anyone but me. If something were to happen to him-" A thousand different scenarios play out in front of my eyes.

"Nothing is going to happen. I love you, Summer, I think that's obvious at this point. I love Landon as much as my own kids. I wouldn't let you do something that would put him in danger."

I'm quiet for a moment as I think over what Brian is suggesting. I know Matt would never hurt Landon and it's not like Matt hasn't been alone with him before. I never stopped Matt from being just like any other parent just because of the issues between us.

"I should, shouldn't I?"

"Even if it's just for an afternoon. You know Landon misses him and I'm sure Matt is going crazy with not being able to see him on a daily basis."

"I'll talk to him about it and see how he's feeling. He found me today. He used the GPS on my phone and came to the place I was at." I can't even hide the irritation in my tone.

"Where were you, if you don't mind me asking."

"I went to the club to have a drink with Dallas and Melissa."

"You're serious?" His face says it all. "You know what, never mind. How I feel about it isn't important."

"Thanks." I mumble out, not prepared to combat any judgement right now. I take out my phone and send a quick text asking Matt if he has time to talk and head downstairs to make some food. Brian doesn't follow and I'm grateful for that. I need some time alone. I need to get back to my routine and move past all of this. If Matt and I aren't together anymore, that's fine, but I can't keep going on living in chaos this way.

My phone buzzes on the counter when I'm about halfway through cooking some grilled chicken and pasta salad for lunch for everyone. I pick it up to see a text from Matt.

I've always got time to talk to you. So the beast has been tamed, at least for right now it seems.

'Would you like to keep Landon tonight? Maybe for the afternoon tomorrow and I'll pick him up from you tomorrow night? I know you miss him and he definitely misses you. If you have to work I understand.'

It takes a few minutes for him to reply and by that time the food is ready and on the table. I call up the stairs for everyone to come down and place plates in front of them before looking at the text.

"I need to keep you around. This looks delicious." Brian says with a laugh. I roll my eyes at him before picking up my phone.

I'll take a personal day. It's no problem. Pick him up at 7?

'Sure.'

I turn to look at the four boys eating at the table and smile.

"Hey, Landon how would you like to stay with dad tonight?" The toe-headed boys face lights up with a smile.

"Please!" He bounces in his chair with excitement and I laugh.

"Of course. Eat all your food and then we will get you ready for him to pick you up."

"Yes!" Brian smiles over at me and I roll my eyes once more with a smile of my own.

"So you were right, whatever." I joke.

"I'm always right." Brian winks at me before turning back to the kids.