I Lost Control

18. AT&T

SUMMER

The next morning I'm laying in the guest bedroom, my eyes fixed on the ceiling fan above the bed as it goes around and around. The house is quiet which I'm not use to. There's always music playing at our house and I find myself missing the quiet sounds of whatever band Matt is in the mood for that day as he drinks his coffee before work.

My eyes turn to the window, it's sunny and beautiful. A great day to take Landon to play at the beach, but all I want to do is lay here. I wrap myself back up in the blankets and close my eyes.

A little while later there's a knock on the door and Brian walks in with a cup of coffee. I haven't been able to sleep any more, but I still feel tired.

"You awake?" Brian whispers out.

"Yeah." I mumble from my cocoon.

"Landon's been asking for you, but I told him to let you sleep." I sit up in bed and keep my eyes on anything but the man in front of me. Brian hands me the steaming cup of heaven and I sigh.

"What time is it?"

"A little after noon." I take a sip and relish the burning sensation that runs down my throat.

"I didn't mean to stay in bed so late."

"It's fine, I can handle the boys." My eyes finally flicker up to him and his gaze is locked on me.

"Brian, I—"

"You don't have to say anything."

"But I do. I shouldn't have dragged you into this." He rolls his eyes at me.

"I dragged me into this, Sum. If you remember, I'm the one who told you how I felt."

"And I'm the one who kissed you." Brian sits down on the bed beside me and I clutch the coffee cup with both hands tighter than I should.

"It was the best kiss of my life."

"Stop." I look away from him and stare out the window once more. "I should get up. Being a parent doesn't stop because your life is falling apart." I throw the blankets off and set my feet on the soft carpet.

"I told you I could handle the kids."

"Just stop, Brian. Stop being so understanding. Stop being so fucking perfect." The rage coursing through my body takes me by surprise and as soon as the words come out of my mouth I feel terrible. Brian has never done anything to deserve the sharp end of my hostility. "I'm sorry." I set the cup down on the bedside table and place my head in my hands. "I think I'm losing my mind." I tell him as I press my palms against my forehead. I feel a soft touch on my back and I let out a deep breath. Brian's hands move up to my neck and he massages soft, but firm, against the tense muscles.

"Just relax, Summer. You can't carry the weight of everything on your shoulders." He leans down and presses a kiss to the exposed skin of my shoulder and I turn to look at him. That feeling of want and need is back and I have to force myself not to kiss him again.

I stand from the bed and hurry over to my bag to throw on a sweatshirt. I pull my hair up onto my head in a messy bun and turn back to Brian.

"I have some stuff I need to do today." I slip my flip flops onto my feet and grab my car keys. "I'll be back in a little bit. Call me if you need anything." I leave the room without a second look back and hurry out the front door before Landon can see me.

+

I keep my sunglasses over my eyes as I pull open the heavy door to the AT&T store. The bell above the door dings and I scan the few customers scattered around the small sized store to find someone who works here.

"Welcome to AT&T, someone will be with you in just a minute." A nice brunette guy with kind eyes calls out from the desk. I take a seat in the waiting area and stare into space, not really sure how I ended up here. I drove for what felt like hours before deciding what I needed to do.

"What can I help you with today, miss?" A sweet young looking man asks as he motions for me to follow him to the front desk. I set my keys and phone down on the counter before placing my sunglasses on my head.

"I was wondering if there's any way I could get a printed copy of the phone records for one of the lines on my account?" There's no judgement on his face as he begins typing away on his computer. I'm sure he gets women like me all the time who want to see what their significant other is up to when they think no one is watching.

"What is the primary name on the account?"

"Matthew Sanders." More typing.

"I'm assuming you're the second name on the account?"

"Yes. Summer Johnson."

"Could you tell me the password to your account?"

"Landon12." My mind wanders to the day Matt added me to his phone plan and even changed his password to Landon's name and birthday. We came to this very same store not long after we started dating. It's funny the little moments that come to mind when you're not sure what direction your relationship is headed in.

"What are the last four digits of the phone number you'd like the records for?"

"7221, please." He's silent for a moment as he clicks around before looking up to me. His eyes are hazel, like Matt's, but more friendly and less troubled than Matt's.

"Last question, how far back do you need?"

"A month will do just fine."

"They're printing in the backroom for you now, miss, I'll be right back with them."

"Thank you."

A few minutes later I'm sitting in my car scanning through hundreds of phone calls, not even sure what I'm looking for. I don't recognize any of them except my own, Brian's, and Matt's mom. That's when I realize how stupid this idea was.

Even if Matt was up to something with the weird phone calls, I'd have to go through and call every one of these numbers to find out. Even that might not be enough. No one is going to tell a stranger on the phone that they're selling heroin to their boyfriend.

I throw the stack of papers into the passenger seat and let out a frustrated sigh. My fingers tap on the steering wheel and I'm off in my own world when my phone starts buzzing, causing me to almost jump out of my skin.

"Jesus." I mumble to myself as I pick up the phone.

Just checking to make sure everything is okay. It's been a few hours and you haven't called or texted.. Just let me know.

Brian.

He's always taking care of me even when he doesn't know it. I type out a quick 'I'm fine' response and hit the send button. There's no reply and I'm almost relieved. Brian seems to be able to cloud my mind without trying.

I pull out of the parking lot and continue driving no where. Before I know if I'm in my neighborhood, just a few streets away from Matt and I's house. My stomach begins to turn nervously as I turn onto ours and I see Matt's car parked in the driveway. I reach over for the call logs and shove them under my seat before pulling into the driveway.