Different (Matthew Espinosa)

Chapter 9

Shout out to @alexisp188! I've been seeing your comments and thank you! I love writing fan docs and love you too!😋

---------------------------------------------

I wash up and take a shower and put pjs on leaving my hair down. I'm barefoot, wearing a black t-shirt, and plaid baggy sweatpants. I walk out and Matthew opens the door pulling me in. I can tell he's been crying. "What the heck Matthew are you ok?" I ask him worried. "Yeah I'm... I'm fine. I'm sorry Karrisa. I'm really sorry. I can't help it. I'm only a jerk because..." He trails off. "Matthew what is it?" I ask him. "You won't believe me." He says sadly.

"Matthew I will." I say and he looks up. His face full of sadness. "I'm only mean because..." He trails off again. I go up and hug him. He hugs back. "You don't have to tell me. I understand." I tell him.

We fall asleep and I wake up before him at around 8:00am. I feel bad. I get up to go get coffee on the lobby. I walk down stairs and get me my coffee making it as sweet as I like it. I turn around and see something that makes my heart sink. Jack G is kissing another girl. I should've known. He said he liked me. He kissed me and I kissed back. I know I said I didn't like him but I was starting to just a little.

A tear leaves my eye and I accidentally drop my coffee. He looks up and sees me. "Holy sh*t. Karrisa." He says and the girl looks and glares at me. "Leave me alone. I should've freaking known." I say and start walking away. "Karrisa!" Jack yells. But he doesn't go after me. I run into our room and Matthew is up and in the kitchen. He sees me and looks surprised but before he can say anything I lock myself in our room.

I fall on my bed bawling and screaming into the pillow. Matthew runs to the door but can't get in. He bangs on it. "Karrisa what's wrong!? Please let me in!" He yells through the door. I just ignore him. I start crying harder. Sh*t the depression kicks in.

I'm never gonna be loved. You're ugly and never gonna be worth it. Stop letting people in they only hurt you and always will. Nobody will ever love you. No wonder I'm always getting hurt... I'm not worth it that's why.

I start screaming in my pillow harder and eventually can't stand it. I shouldn't be doing this but I race into our bathroom and take a blade out of my shaver. I wash it off and hold it to my wrist.

One because you're not worth it. I slice into my wrist screaming. Two because nobody will ever love you. I slice again. Three because you're ugly as h*ll. Another slice. Four- but I get cut off by someone bursting through the bedroom door. I lock the bathroom door and Matthew bangs on that too. I start bawling harder and slice three more times until he picks the lock and barges in. He sees blood gushing from my wrist and look so sad I want to die.

He rushes over to me and does something unexpected. He hugs my tight. I start crying hard in his shoulder. He says "Ssshhh" in my ear quietly to calm me down. He pulls away and grabs a rag and cleans my wrist and the blood all over and lastly snatches the blade from my hand fast. He wraps my wrist up and hugs me again. My eyes are heavy and puffy form crying. He picks my up and brings me put to my bed. Sh*t we have a performance today. We sit there silent.

"Karrisa.... what happened? Why would you cut yourself? You're too pretty to do that." After he says that I break down again. "Please don't cry." He hugs me again. "Jack... Was kissing another girl down I'm the l-lobby." I choke out. "I'm so gonna kick his a**." He says. He strokes my hair. "But I should've known. I'm not worth it and definitely not pretty." I say to him and he just pulls away and looks at me. "Karrisa, why would you ever say something like that. You're beautiful and definitely worth it." He says. "No I'm not! Matthew I never will be! Nobody ever will love me! Every god damn person I let in hurts me or breaks me! I can't take it anymore!" I scream at him. I start bawling harder.

"I'm sorry to hear that... but you are worth it Karrisa. Every person who has hurt you is f*cking stupid because they lost something perfect. I would never hurt you like that... and the reason why I'm so mean to you guys is because... Well... Jack G has always stolen every girl I've liked. And every girl always gives me the 'it's not you it's me' or 'I never thought we had a thing so I just went with Jack' and stuff like that. I know how it feels to be hurt. I'm also mean to people because I push them away like you a little. I'm afraid anyone will hurt me.... and I'm a recovered cutter myself." Tears start to fall down his cheeks. "But I've been clean for four months. And I don't think anyone as pretty as you should feel like that." He says hugging me and we both cry except I cry hard and he just sniffles and strokes my hair.

We have an hour till we have to leave so we clean up and get ready. I come out wearing a t-shirt for Matthew saying 'I'm Matthews dinosaur', black high waisted shorts, and black vans. I keep my hair down and do light makeup. I walk out and Matthews wearing khakis, a black Magcon sweatshirt, and black vans. I come out and hug him and he hugs back.

"You're officially my best friend ok? I'll never hurt you ok?" Matthew says and it warms my heart. "Of course... never tell anyone about that and I'll never tell anyone about what you said. You and Andrea are literally the only people who know." I tell him and he agrees. We still have forty minutes so we sit on the couch and sit cross cross on the couch across from each other.

"Let's get to know each other." Matthew says. "Ok" I reply. "Truth or truth?" He asks and I nod yes.