Different (Matthew Espinosa)

Chapter 16

My heart is racing. I'm kind of scared of what might happen between Matthew and Andrea. First she rolls her eyes at me and now she volunteers to go on a ride with Matthew. But he would never do that. He just told me he liked me and I told him that back. He said he would never hurt me. So it's all good. But shit! Andrea was obsessed over him for a while.

Everyone but me Shawn and Carter went on rides. "Do you guys just want to go on the tiltawhirl?" Shawn asks. "You guys can but I already went on." I say. "You sure?" Carter asks. "Positive. I'll be over at the pirate ship waiting for Matthew and Andrea." I say and they nod while getting in line. I walk over to the pirate ship and see Matthew and Andrea talking and they are off the ride. I stop so I can watch them for a bit.

All of a sudden they intertwine both of their hands together and they lean in... and kiss. I feel like I'm gonna barf, my stomach twists in a billion knots, my eyes burn, my heart feels like it shattered and got ran over multiple times, and I wanna cry. I freak out. What the hell do I do. I snap and lose my temper. I run over to them. "I should've fucking known you jerk!" They break the kiss and Matthew looks surprised and shocked and looks like he's gonna cry. "Karrisa..." He chokes out with watery eyes. "Don't even talk to me you jerk. I can't believe you would do this to me Andrea!" I say through tears.

I then run off not looking back. The hotel is only like a five minute walk away so I run back. I can't believe Matthew did that. I can't believe Andrea did that! I should've known. I literally can't trust anyone! Whatever! I should've fucking known. I run really fast and am scared I'm gonna pass out. I start freaking out. I have no friends... Andrea betrayed me. I'm fucking alone... alone... screw my life.

I get to the lobby and it's basically empty and sprint up stairs not slowing down. I get to my room and run in and into the bathroom. I grab my blade and slam the door shut freaking out and locking it. I breathe hard. I make my breathes calm down a little and then break down in tears. My heart feels like it got stomped on and shattered multiple times over and over again.

What the fuck do I do!? I look at my wrist and the blade. I hold it to my wrist and instantly cut slices into it. I hate my life... I'm now on my knees cutting and bawling at the same time. I start screaming with tears gushing down my eyes. I stop once I hit 10 slices on my right wrist. I drop the blade and curl up in a ball.

Sobbing in my knees. I can't take it anymore. The only thing keeping me here is my fans and the good side of me. I bite my sleeve and look at my wrist. There's blood all over it. I get a rag and wipe my tears then wipe my wrist and clean it up. I clean up and wash my face off. I slip on one of my baggy shirts that says "Karrisa" on it and then some black sweatpants.

I throw my hair in a messy bun. Just forget it ever happened. But right when I think that my heart shatters again. How can I forgive about that? A tear slips but I wipe it away so fast I basically slap myself. I walk out of the bathroom and slip on a bunch if bracelets so no one can see my cuts. I walk in the living room and realize there's a padio.

It's a beautiful view so I go out and look over the edge. I look down. I wish I could just jump off and quickly get my life done and over with. I shake my head getting the thought out of my head. That'll just make things worse.

I'm officially alone.