Misfit

VI

"Where have you been?" A voice echoed in the living room. Is there a miracle?

"None of your business." I said and went straight to the stairs.

"We'll stay here for awhile." Anong kaluluwa ang sumapi sa'yo, Mom?

"Then enjoy." I was tired and I want to rest now. Ang ganda na sana ng gabi ko kaso nasira pa.

Pagkarating ko sa kwarto ko diretso ako sa banyo. I needed to cool down my fucking head. I hate it when they're here.

Way too much whiskey in my blood
I feel my body giving up
Can I hold on for another night?
What do I do with all this time?

I was staring at the bathroom wall for 'I-don't-know-how-long.' I was just here in this bathtub. Full of water. I wanted to drown for awhile. And I did.

You'll never be enough.

I know. I am very much aware of that. I don't deserve this life as much as-- and I felt it. That familiar burning of my lungs. I was hyped for a moment. I was fucking smiling even. Oh shit, am I fucking insane?

I pulled myself up and started to fill myn lungs with oxygen. I was panting hard. Not quite, Odium. Not yet.

Tumayo na 'ko at nagbanlaw. I thought I will have a goodnight sleep because I had to race again for months but shit always happens.

This is gonna be a long night.

---

Nagising ako ng maaga but I didn't move. I just stared at the most favorite thing in the world. The fucking ceiling.

I start to sink again.

"Sierra! Hoy gumising ka na. Ikaw bat aka, tanghali na nagigising." Maka-bata naman 'to akala mo naman sobrang tanda na. Tsk!

"Sierra, gusto mo ng ice cream? Bili ka! Bleh!" and he laughed. Kahit kalian talaga si Kuya, isip bata.

"Sierra, are you okay? Kuya's here. Please stop crying."

"B-but si..."

"Shh! They are coming alright? Nandito din si Kuya so stop crying. You're such a baby." He said and smiled but I can see his eyes are glistening.

"Kuya, why are you leaving?"

"Sierra, you see, Kuya had this opportunity sa ibang bansa and—"

"But at this time?" It was heart breaking. I don't know why am I left alone? At a time like this?

"Odium Sierra, Kuya will work hard, okay? Mom and Dad is here anyway." He faintly smiled and continued. "I will come back and that's a promise, okay?" he kissed me on the forehead. He headed to our car but before he can close the door. "Maduga ka." I said.

But why kuya? When I needed you the most.

I heard a knock on my door. That's odd., 'di naman nila ako pinapakielaman pag nasa kwarto ako.

"Miss Adesso, breakfast daw po sabi ni Madame." Oh I almost forgot, nandito pala sila.

"Papunta na po." Sabay bangon at pumunta sa banyo.

Naghilamos ako at tinignan ang sarili sa salamin. I want to fucking punch this mirror into pieces.

You're such a mess, Odium. That's why people leave you.

I sarcastically laughed at myself.

Bumaba na ako pagkatapos no'n at nakita ang magulang ko sa hapag. God, kung ano man ang pinakain niyo sa kanila, 'wag niyo na po ipakain sa kanila ulit 'yon.