Misfit

XI

I sighed.

Nasa rooftop ako ng condominium sa Makati over seeing the city lights.

Ang bigat ng pakiramdam ko. I wanted to drive fast away from this world. Siguro na-drain ako kanina.

Once the light fades everything is dark
Way too much whiskey in my blood
I feel my body giving up
Can I hold on for another night?
What do I do with all this time, yeah?

My phone was playing LANY when it stopped and rang. Sa sobrang bothered ko I didn't even look at who called basta sinagot ko nalang ito.

"Odium." That fucking deep voice. Natahimik ako. Shit.

"..." Hindi pa din ako nagsasalita. That made him sigh.

"Nakapag-decide ka na ba?" Napakunot ang noo ko.

"About what?" I asked tiredly.

"The Batangas trip."

Natahimik ako. I've been so busy na nakalimutan ko na niyaya niya ako. Plus the fact na wala ako sa mood gumawa ng plano.

"I haven't decided yet. 'Wag muna ngayon, Theo." I sighed.

"Are you okay?" I'm not but I'm not telling you that.

"I'm fine. Sige na, matutulog na ako."

"Odiu-" I ended the call before he can even finish what he was about to say.

I'm literally not in the fucking mood. I need to go fast but... walang ganap na racing ngayon. I want to get away right now.

I was dying inside again. Sinking in this endless sinkhole. Drowning at this dark blue sea.

I get these feelings most of the time. I stared at the sky reaching my right arm wishing it might take me with it.

I didn' mind the coldness plus my feet hanging at the edge of this building. Kanina inakyat ko ang railings para makahiga sa medyo makapal na semento. I'm not scared of heights. Death can't even scare me. Isang bagay lang naman ang natatakot ako... ang maiwan.

Tumayo na ako at inkyat ulit ang railings para bumaba. I checked the time in my watch bago tinawagan si Ray. 12:06am.

"Yes, Sierra my love?" I didn't mind his playful tone. I head a loud music at his background. Nasa bar 'to ngayon, I badly need to be in a place where there's a lot of noise. Tangina, my head is so loud at this silence.

"Nasa'n ka?" Tanong ko.

"Lovelocks. Bakit?" He chuckled. May humahagikhik din. Napailing nalang ako sa kan'ya.

"Pupunta ako d'yan." Binaba ko na ang tawag.

---

It took me about a 10-minute drive bago nakarating sa Lovelocks. It's a high end bar na pag mamay-ari ng kupal. It's a Friday night or basically a Saturday morning kaya medyo madaming tao sa loob.

Mahaba din ang pila sa labas though I didn't line up. Napapatingin sa'kin ang mga tao since hindi din ako nakabihis for party. Like I fucking care.

Nakita naman ako ng bouncers kaya pinapasok agad nila ako. Kilala naman nila ako kasi minsan after race dito halos lahat ng nanuod tumatambay. Though madalas, aalis din agad ako.

Pagkapasok ko, the music is loud, and some bass boosted music is playing. Hindi din naman gano'n kasakit sa mata ang lights. As usual, I went to see Ray first para ipaalam na nandito ako.

As usual napapalibutan siya ng mga babae. Hindi na magbabago 'tong lalaking 'to.

"Sierra my love!" Tawag niya. I sat in the chair infront of him at may binulong siya sa mga babae bago umalis ang mga ito sa table naming. The wild music is still playing; I can even hear my heart thumping at its rhythm. Tinignan ko siya at nilingon kung ano ang iniinom niya. Whiskey. Hard? Napataas ang kilay ko at binalik ang tingin sa kan'ya.