Misfit

XVIII

I didn't know how to react after what he said. I was just staring at him... unbelievably. I wanted to mock him. I wanted to walk out. I wanted to even fucking run away far from Theodore. I just couldn't believe it.

He sat there patiently waiting for what I'm about to do or waiting for my reaction.

"You wouldn't believe me, huh?" I was still lost for words. Hindi lang dahil sa sinabi niya pati na din ang pagiging una niya. Siya ang unang naglakas loob sabihin sa'kin ang bagay na 'yon.

I feel my heart thump. The one you will hear when everything seems so quiet.

"Say something, Odium."

I opened my mouth and closed it again. Theo, bakit ako? P'wede namang ibang tao.

Kumunot ang noo niya sa'kin at bumuntong hininga.

"Wrong move talaga 'tong pag-uusap natin. Mukha mas lalong 'di mo 'ko kakausapin." May halong pagsisisi sa boses niya.

"No..." I whispered pero napatingin siya sa'kin nang mukhang nalilito.

"No?"

I sighed and gather all the courage I've got.

"Theo, bakit ako?" For the first time in years, I heard my voice begging for an answer, it sounded like I'm pleading, soft and sweet.

"Bakit hindi ikaw?" Sagot niya. He reflected what I've given him. This will raise hell; I'm fucking sure of that.

"Hindi sinasagot ng isa pang tanong ang tanong."

"Theodore, bakit ako?"

"Pakitanong ang puso ko bakit ikaw, kasi ako? 'Di ko alam ang sagot d'yan."

"I warned you, right?"

"Yes but all of this happened even before that."

"You should've stayed away."

"If it makes me happy, why would I?"

"You don't know, Theodore."

"Why do you make it seem lke you're hard to love when in fact it's yourself saying that?"

"Kasi 'yon ang totoo."

"So anong tawag mo sa'kin, imahinasyon mo?" Natahimik ako do'n.

"Kasi kung mahirap ka mahalin e'di sana wala ako dito ngayon." His brown eyes are soft. Hindi ito nagbago mula no'ng tinignan ko siya gamit ang mga mata kong 'yon.

"It's fine if you can't reciprocate it, Odium. Hindi ko naman hinihingi 'yon. Gusto ko lang na malaman mo na kahit iniisip mo na walang magmamahal sa'yo o mahirap ka mahalin, nandito lang ako."

I was stunned... again.

I don't know why but my heart flattered.

Fuck, Theodore. Why are you doing this to me?

---

After that, hindi na 'ko umattend ng school for a week. My reaction lasted for a week.

I was doing everything in my office. Some of my school works are sent here. Hindi din naman ako pinuntahan ni Theodore.

Ito na ata ang pinakamatagal na nag-stay ako sa office. I didn't go home. Lahat nandito na. Tinatawag-tawagan lang ako nila manang para iinform na may bumibisita sa'kin sa bahay. Theodore.

Amanda texts me a lot too. She knows I'm hiding from Theo but she's not really sure about the reason.

I'm always driving out of here but also coming back before office hour starts.