Do You Get It?

No Pain, No Gain

I could be sleeping right now. But nooooooo, I have to deliver my entire life story, just to hear about someone's dream. How did my life lead up to this? Well the funny part is that I have to tell Ink that.

We are sitting with our legs crossed on the Anti-Void floor, we face each other. Ink had his head rested on one hand and I'm trying to think of where to start. Why do I have to go first? Instead of waiting for Ink to tell me to go ahead and start already, I just jump off the metaphorical cliff.

"Uh, well... I don't remember much." I ramble. "Only bits and pieces of how I found this place. But I don't remember anything before I started destroying Alternate Universes full time." I don't remember anything before the pain of knowing the balance of the multiverse.

Ink nods along to my rambling and has to comment in. "Well, that's kinda lame." I am offended. "I can't help that I don't remember!" I say exasperated. "Wait, your serious? You don't remember anything before becoming Error?" Is this guy serious? I literally just promised to tell the truth.

"No I seriously don't. Now can I continue?" I asked, getting a little embarrassed. Losing basically all my confidence, I start wringing my hands again. I don't know what to do with all this pent up energy. I am full of anxiety, but at the same time I wish I could sleep for days.

"I can recall the day I knew something was off. It's like I woke up and felt that I had something...something before becoming Error. But I could never put a finger on it." I try to explain. Anything before destroying feels like...well a feeling. A dream I am always on the verge of remembering, but too far to reach. A painting smeared in the rain. Faded out by all the pain.

I feel lost in the lull of metaphors. But Ink's concentration on me makes that nervousness come back stronger. "But I don't think you want to hear about my amnesia, are you?" I ask. He looks like I just hit the bull's eye. Ever since we first met, I knew this was the driving force of every encounter after.

"You want to know why I destroy your AU's." I draw out. He looks as if I had just read his mind. Confused but content that he's question will finally be answered. But I don't know if I can...

I hesitate for a few moments. I don't want to tell him about the pain. I don't want that weakness to be held against me. I don't want to appear vulnerable. But this is a situation where I have to tell him. If he has my powers, then I don't know what other burdens he has now. During my reasoning Ink bends his head down into both of his hands. I know I take a while to think about what I'm going to say. So I just jump right in.

"The reason why is only because-"

Ink starts to groan. His face is down towards his lap and he covers his eyes. The black bones rest under the red framed glasses.

It's started. The pain.

I don't know what to do, I have never been on this side of the situation. The only thing I can do is sit next to him, rather than across. I can only observe the pain I experience almost everyday. I watch the pools of string flood out through his fingers. The only way I can describe the feeling is one similar to a migraine. You feel disoriented and overwhelmed by all of the code. And a few days without sleep probably doesn't help.

It takes him about 10 minutes to come out of it. And all that's left is silence and a lot of string. Eventually I have the courage to finally speak again. But what I say shouldn't be taken lightly. For it's the answer to his question.

"That's why I have to destroy. And now I can finally tell you, and may be you'll understand it better." I try to say to him. I can tell he's still recovering and probably doesn't want to hear my words in his voice. But if I don't say anything now, I won't say anything at all. I put my hands in his pockets and I edge the half-page drawing.

"You remember when we first met, I told you that I had to destroy your creations?" I ask him. Even through the fatigue, he nods. Now here is the hard part, explaining the code. "So when you create, every AU has its own...code." I say slowly. His tired eyes looks up at me with confusion. "Code? Like software code?" He asks in my glitchy voice. I nod. "I don't know why, but yes."

He looks at me but shrugs. I mean, it isn't the weirdest thing that's happened today. "And one of my...abilities...is to be able to sense the code." I explain. My hand messed with the paper in my pocket and my other hand is tapping on my knee. "When an AU is created, there is more code. And when there is too much code...that's when the pain kicks in."

He scrunches his forehead and processes the information. "Well, I'm not saying I don't believe you. But if I have the power to create, why would there be such a negative consequence for you? And only you?" I want to laugh, a bitter laugh. But I hold it in.

"I was made that way," I say void of any emotion, "just like you were made to create."