Do You Get It?

The Void

The Destroyer

I was never afraid of the dark. But instead I was afraid of forgetting. Forgetting why I wasn't scared of the dark and forgetting myself in the dark. But when the machine went off again, the darkness was something that I couldn't escape.

I hit the floor of the lab as I was blinded by the explosion of the machine. And just like last time, as soon as I hit the tile flooring, I was unconscious.

The moment when I was filled with fear is waking up in darkness. I claw at my eye sockets, paranoid that I have just gone blind. But nothing has proven that I am permanently impaired or not. I still lay on the floor that could possibly be the True Lab. But after a few minutes of shouting with echoed silence, proves me wrong. If I was in the True Lab, they would have heard my shouts...my pathetic pleads for help.

Could I be dead? My mind over crowds itself with useless theories and questions. Is this just a dream? I could be in a comatose state and I wouldn't even know it. My hands move from my eyes to my shoulders. Each hand holds an opposite shoulder as I remain curled up in a ball. I can't help but imagine the worst possibilities. But the one that my mind conjures next is the worst of all...

What if this whole time, I was dreaming?

None of it could be real. It could have been a figment if my imagination, a futile attempt of holding onto hope. I could have made up a perfect scenario where I was finally accepted. Where I could have finally gotten help. Help to remember and cope with the pain. I moan in utter distraught. It may not have been real at all...

I clutch at my arms, feeling what I am wearing. When I feel the familiar scarf and shirt of Ink, I knew that it was real. I rest my head against the dark floor of the dark room. It was real. I relax a little more each time I repeat those words. I'm not crazy. He really does want to help me. Ink really is...my friend.

And now I have no idea where my friend is. I slowly get up off the floor, careful of hitting anything in the dark. With my newfound determination, I take a few steps forward. And when I realize that I'm not in the True Lab, I walk a little faster. If I was in the True Lab, I would have stumbled upon a paper or smacked into the wall by now.

Where could Sans and Ink have gone? I know when I had ran in Sans was out cold and Ink was trying to turn off the machine. Oh my God, the machine went off. I recall every thing I had read on that hunk of metal. It is supposed to punch holes in dimensions. And with that explosion, I could be any where in the Multiverse.

I am so lost. And in more ways than one.

I stumble through the darkness, still not confident about my stability. I could run into anything at any time and I don't want to run into anything full speed. With each cautious step, I recall the conversation with Ink in the hallway.

I don't know why I try to fight the hope that he has given me. I am giving him a chance, a chance to help me. Only because he has given me a second chance to be a better person. If we find a way to deal with the effects of his urge to create and mine to destroy...my life can be entirely different. I could really get to know people, I can move out of the Anti-Void, I can get a job...maybe find a family.

I feel the excitement of the possibility of being...normal. An average Sans, not an Error. Even if Ink doesn't have his own AU, maybe he could make one where I can have my own family, a brother I can remember. A brother where we could make snowmen and make spaghetti together. Even if we were stuck in the Underground, we would be together...

I stop dead in my tracks when I realize what I am doing. I should not be hoping. Hope gets you hurt. When have promised like this ever been fulfilled? When has anything worked in my favor? Amidst all those thoughts of self rebuttal, a lone question pops up. What if he does keep his promise?

I'm not ready for the onset of new possibilities. I'm not ready for the chance of something new. Of all the times in my life, that I remember, new equaled bad. New AUs resulted in pain. New people concluded in new enemies. I stand still in the middle of darkness and laugh at the irony. Just as I stand blind folded to the a new future, I stand blind in a dark abyss.

I cross my arms over my chest. I know what happens if there isn't a plan, and with this chance of a new future, there wouldn't be a plan. Staying still physically, mentally I am being torn in two. I could hope, and it all go up in flames. Not hope, and through it all away before I even try. But if I don't try, everything would be the same. I would still be alone. So why am I fighting this opportunity? What do I have to lose?

My sanity.

I could put my dreams, hope, and determination all in one single promise and have it all thrown back in my face. I don't know what I would do...if....I had hope in a better future...and then it all be lit in flames. I don't know what I would do...

I hug myself and try not to break down in the middle of the darkness. I need something to hope for...

I can't keep living off of fear and pain. I uncross mg arms, and take another step forward. If there is a chance that there is something better than this, I need to start fighting for it. I start taking more confident strides, determined to meet my destination. I need to find Ink. I need to make sure the promise he gave me is kept.

I continue onward, for once not afraid of what stands in my way. But as I approach a figure coated in this darkness, I knew should have been afraid.

I was never afraid of the dark. But instead I was afraid of forgetting. Forgetting why I should never hope for a brighter future. Because the only thing in my horizon is darkness. When you gain hope in this world, you finally have something to lose. Seeing that figure masked with the doubt in my mind, I knew I wasn't afraid of the dark.

I was afraid of the monsters I would find.