Wait until the music's over

13. Arrivals and departures

A few weeks ago I was laughing about it, but if things keep going like this, in ten days I'll be there for real, there in Idaho, sitting at a table between my in-laws, in front of a large roasted turkey, with the whole Pacifico family.

Actually she hasn't invited me over yet. Yesterday night I called her after our show in Tacoma and she just told me her parents insisted for having her home at Thanksgiving, and when she pointed out about her lack of money they answered by offering to pay her round-trip ticket. An offer she couldn't refuse. Angie didn't say anything about me being included in the ticket offer, so I guess I'm not included in the invitation either. And I don't even know if I should be relieved or sorry. What the fuck is happening to me? In these last weeks I turned into the perfect boyfriend, even though I'm nobody's boyfriend. I mean, Angie and me, we're not exactly a couple, we're not even really dating in the real sense of the word, because of our schedules and because of this let's keep it secret thing. It's difficult to go out at night (but also during the day) and find a place in Seattle without bumping into someone we know and shouldn't know about us. In addition to that, Alice in Chains started a mini tour and we're often playing shows out of town, and when we don't have concerts there are interviews or other shit to do. I'm really excited about that! The downside is that I can't see Angie as often as I wish, we always meet at her place, sometimes in my apartment, or smooching in my car in the middle of nowhere.

Yeah, smooching. Only smooching. We didn't do anything. Well, not really anything... we did something... anyway it's just a matter of time. At any rate, it's a record for me. I never waited so much, for anyone, apart from the first time. Fuck, I had been waiting so long for my first time, it looked like there was a spell or something against me! Everytime I had the chance something happened: a jealous father I had to run from jumping out of a window, a little sister who came home too soon, forgotten condoms, an angry dog, a strange noise frightening the girl and forcing me to start the car again and take her back home... I was sure I'd never ever have sex and I'd die a virgin. Fortunately I made up for that later. But I've been chaste and loyal for the last three weeks, the perfect boyfriend.

Well, not exactly perfect... But it's all Mike's fault. Last week, after a show in Roseville, that jerk decided to get a blondie who had been making doe eyes at him from front row since the soundcheck and spend the night with her. Unfortunately the hottie was there with a friend she couldn't leave alone and the other single man of the band had already made other plans fort the night. That's why my friend basically forced me to be his wingman and take the second girl, for the team. And I didn't even like her and she laughed like a donkey. However I must admit she had a great ass, mother nature had to give her a good point at least.By the way, I've been loyal to some extent... I flirted with her, I kissed her, I touched her in the strategic points and she somehow paid me back, but I didn't have sex with her. It's a huge change for me! And Angie's not even my girlfriend. And getting a blowjob is not even cheating.

So why do I feel guilty? Why am I nervous as I get into the mini mart and finally see her? Ten days have passed since I left for the short californian trip, my first istinct should be jumping on her, her boss permitting. But my first thought is fear, like she could read some signs of my guilt written on my face.

Guilt?

Sure, guilt, stop pretending it was alright.

But, none of us ever talked about being exclusive...

It was understood, you asshole!

This is the dialogue between my shoulder Angel and Devil which takes place in my head as I enter the store and nod at her and head for the junk food, while she's dealing with customers and just flashes me one of her killer smiles. I take loads of chips in different flavours, cheese crackers and every kind of chocolate I find. I'm going to Portland tonight, I need the bare minimum to survive a six hours ride on a van at least, three plus three. It takes a while to choose, maybe because I'm choosy or maybe because I'm trying to postpone my face to face talk to Angie... but at the same time I really wanna talk to her, touch her, hug her, hold her tight and kiss her. And do something else also, of course, shit I'm a man after all! Anyway lay her down right now, here on the cash register, doesn't look like the cleverest thing I could do to make her understand how much I want her.