Wait until the music's over

24. I don't wanna grow up

The first thing I see when I open my eyes in the morning is the mass of dark and blond hair, messily spread on my pillow. The second thing I notice is Jerry's embrace, as he's still asleep behind me. I smile. Things have changed a lot in the past two weeks. I can't believe I was so terrified by arguments! The epilogue of our quarrel is the proof that talking can only be good for a couple. Well, couple... none of us has ever mentioned becoming a couple, but we really look like one now, to some extent. First, we get to see each other every day and sleep together almost every night, at his place or mine. The first nights I spent at his apartment I felt a little embarrassed, also because of Layne, but as time went by I loosened up a bit and eventually the three of us having breakfast together the morning after has become some kind of family ritual. He's really a brother to Jerry and I've learned to read his smiles and the jokes about us whispered behind his coffee cup as a sort of blessing. On the other hand, Meg is not the kind of person who only shots you glances or makes subtle remarks; she prefers showing her joy for our relationship simply spitting it all out at our faces, telling us whatever comes to her mind without worrying too much about it. I think she looks at us as her personal masterpiece, a remarkable success in her long career as matchmaker. Unfortunately, we still lack one thing to be considered a real masterpiece: being social as a couple. Except for our roommates, our relationship is still top secret, this means we still have to pretend nothing's going on between us when we are with our friends; and we can't go anywhere together, not to be caught, apart from staying at home or driving around aimlessly. I know, I'm the one who wanted it and I had my reasons, but I'm starting to hate the whole situation... Maybe it's also because it reminds me when I was with that jerk, Drake. Ok, this is a whole different story, but when I'm not with Jerry, or when I'm not alone with him, I have the same feeling I had when I used to come back home after spending the afternoon at the quarterback's house or when we were in class: I feel like nothing is true, as if our experiences together were just a whole cloth of mine; as if, each time we part, I woke up from a dream and went back to the real life, where Jerry is still out of reach and I mean nothing to him.

I turn to face him, slowly, not to wake him up, since it's still too early, making sure to stay in his arms. I've always liked Jerry, since the first moment I saw him. How could I help it? But Stone's birthday party, that was when I started to grow feelings for him. It is scientifically proven that when you hold someone's hair back when they puke, an inevitably special bond develops between you and that person. Anyway, my favorite memory of that night was the image of Jerry falling asleep beside me in the guest room. I know I may seem a psycho, but I love watching him sleep. He always has a relaxed expression on his face when he sleeps, he looks like a child, the same expression he has now; sometimes it seems like he's smiling and I never understand if he's really sleeping or is just pretending, and maybe he's planning some prank to scare me. He's so beautiful. I still can't understand how such a beautiful and popular, funny and talented guy can be interested in someone like me. What does he like in me? Asking him would be pointless, he'd never give me a sensed answer. I'll never know.

I shift on the pillow to get closer to him, until my lips are half inch to his and his beard lightly tickles my chin. Instinctively and unconsciously, I start to adjust my breathing pace to his, relaxing and feeling my eyelids heavy. I'm about to close my eyes and leave again for a new trip to dreamland, when Jerry suddenly bites my nose.

"Hey!" I complain, touching my bulky proboscis.

"That'll teach you! You shouldn't spy on me while I'm asleep"

"How do you know I was spying on you if you had your eyes closed?"

"How do you know I had my eyes closed if you weren't spying on me?"

"Mmm you're becoming too smart... It must be my influence"

"You're so modest!" he exclaims opening his eyes a little and sliding one hand under my pajamas to tickle me.