Wait until the music's over

9. Showtime (Pt.1)

The most annoying thing about having a social life is that something as simple as getting dressed can become an issue. And if you like someone it's even worse.

This morning it took me one hour to choose what to wear to go lurking around Jerry's house, a whole hour to come up with an incredibly sophisticated look: jeans and t-shirt. To complete this dressy style, I decided to wear the simple necklace my mum gave me as a birthday present and put on some lipgloss in addition to my usual someone-punched-me-in the-eye black pencil. I'm lucky Meg was still asleep when I left and is already out when I come back or she would immediately understand there's something going on. Now I need to go get changed. According to the unwritten law, Jerry can't see me with the same clothes twice in a day, but at the same time I don't want him to think that I get all dressed up for him. And it's also the guys' first show, nothing that requires an evening dress of course, but I don't even want to look like I don't care. Then there's this Eddie guy who doesn't know me yet. I don't want him to immediately understand that I'm the biggest nerd of the pack, at the same time I don't want to wear a mask that doesn't belong to me and pretend to be someone else. Oh god, Jerry, the band, Eddie... too many variables involved and I don't know what the fuck I should wear!

Calm down Angie, it's not that difficult, you should just wear something that says: I'm at ease with myself... will they let me in at the Off Ramp with a paper bag over my head?

I put away a pair of jeans I never wear because they're too tight. Meg claims they make my butt look good. The truth is they're jeans I used to wear in 7th grade, I threw them in my suitcase by mistake when I moved. Ah those were the good old days, in 7th grade, when I was slimmer and only had two friends, Sean and Dina, who didn't give a shit about how I dressed.
While rummaging through my closet I find another Meg-related item: a dress, the only one I've ever had, apart from the prom one. It's nothing special, just the typical dress a lot of girls wear now, a black floral short dress. Too short, at least for my standards. I got it in a thrift shop on Meg's advice... uhm well, advice... she literally forced me to try it on and buy it because she thought I looked great in it, she didn't want to leave the shop until I bought it and threatened to buy it for me if I didn't.
Of course, I've never worn it.
I take the dress out of the closet, lay it on the bed and look at it. Probably in a frenzy, I decide to try it on. As I remembered, the dress hits a bit above the knee. Definitely too short. And it has a v-neck which can be universally considered modest, but I find a little too deep for me. At this point my brain starts doing what it shouldn't be doing: thinking. And trying to elaborate solutions to make the dress more Angie-friendly. With black opaque stockings, combat boots and kefiah scarf I think I can almost look in the mirror without shame.
I said almost.

I'm standing in front of the mirror, still uncertain whether I should smile or puke at my own reflection, when the door bell rings. It must be Matt. I met him as I came back to my apartment, he asked me about tonight show and when he found out I'd go alone with my car he offered to give me a ride. Why does nobody trust my Mini?!
I open the door and Matt's face when he sees me says it all, I know what to do now.
"Hey! You're ready? Let's go" he tells me standing outside the door.
"Ehm no, not yet, I still... I must go get dressed!"
"You're already dressed, and nicely. Come on, we're already late!"
"What? This one? Haha nah man, this is not... I was trying it on for... you know... school stuff, yeah! We'll be making a short film and... I think this dress could be suited for a particular scene. Yeah, it's perfect! The actress is gonna love it. Now come in and make yourself at home, I'll be right back!"
Matt rolls his eyes and walks to the couch. I rush back to my room and put on the usual pair of black overalls I always wear at concerts, with a purple longsleeve t-shirt and converse.
"Here I am! Let's go" I shout as I grab my jacket, my bag and my handycam with its pouch. Matt follows me outside, giggling and shaking his head.
"What?" I ask him as we walk in the hallway.
"Haha nothing... I mean, it's that you usually see the scene in reverse"
"What are you talking about?"
"An average girl who dresses up and looks nicer. You did the opposite instead" Matt explains still laughing.
"It's not funny"
"Where are you going?" he asks me as he calls the elevator and I walk towards the stairs.
"Downstairs, see you outside" he should know at this point, everybody knows it, Chris told whole fucking Seattle.
"Still the elevator issue? Come on, you're all grown up Angie"
"What's age got to do with fear?" I ask walking back towards him.
"Well, I mean now it's time to try and overcome phobias, don't you think? Come here" the elevator stops at the 4th floor and Matt motiones me to follow him.
I shake my head no.
"Come on! It's also a large one, not one of those tiny elevators packed with people. It's only you and me. And they're only four fucking floors, it's not Space Needle" he gives me his hand.
I still shake my head no, but a little less firmly.
"I'm with you, you won't be alone. And also, think about how it's gonna work on your self confidence. After that you'll be like 'If I did this, I can do anything', right? Come on"
"It's not firewalking, Matt"
"Exactly, this is easier. Just come with me!"
I reluctantly follow him on the elevator, still don't know why. It's really big and doesn't give an excessive sense of claustrophobia, not until the doors close. Then it starts going down, I feel my stomach drop inside me and I find myself clung to Matt's arm.
"Ouch! Your nails are cutting into my flesh!" Matt complains and I loosen my grip on him. The inner indicator display tells us we're at the 3rd floor. Still?! I stare at the blinking number and I breathe a sigh of relief as it becomes a 2.
"We're more than halfway, sweetie" Matt smiles at me, not directly, but through the mirror wall.
"We're almost the..." before I finish the sentence, the elevator abruptly stops. "What's happening?" I ask, even though I already know the answer: the gods are punishing me.
"We stopped" Matt shrugs.
"Thank you very much, I can see that. But we're not at the first floor yet, so why the hell have we stopped, Matty?"
"It happens, no worries" he mumbles as he tries to hit the 1st floor button again.
"No worries?"
"Sure, it already happened to me from time to time, sometimes you need to push the button again, sometimes you only need to wait and it just starts again" Matt quietly explains.
"What? You mean this fucking thing repeatedly stops and you let me in?!" I'm not properly shouting, I don't wanna shout, shouting requires more oxygen and I already feel it running out.
"Calm down! If it doesn't move in five minutes I'll push the alarm button"
"Five minutes?! I'll be dead in five minutes!" I do shout now, I yell at him grabbing his shirt collar and shaking him.
"Hahaha Angie, just relax, there's no danger!"
"Relax?! I'm about to have a panic attack, you idiot!"
"D'you know saying I'm about to have a panic attack is the best way to get a panic attack?" he jokes.
"Stop laughing! What if we run out of air?"
"We can't run out of air, there's air conditioning. We've got plenty of air circulating, all the clean air we want" Matt tries to be serious to reassure me.
"And what if we fall?"
"Oh we're at 2nd, it won't hurt too much"
"Matt?!"
"Just kidding"
"Please, don't"
"Seriously, there are safety brakes, it can't fall"
"Do these things even exist or you're just..."
"They exist, I swear! Uhm this shit doesn't move... Listen, I'm pushing this fucking emergency button right now, someone's gonna call technicians and we'll be out in a minute, ok?"
"Ok"
"And try to keep calm, Angie. Really, there's nothing to be afraid of. Well, except for Stone, pissed because we'll be late" Matt smiles at the last part.
"Fuck" suddenly the idea of dying here seems less scary.