Wait until the music's over

33. Bleach, velvet and semicolons

I never thought it could actually happen one day, but I'm so happy to wear my dear old black pink Roxy's uniform. My only regret is that I had to give back the frightful Christmas one and couldn't christen it with fire as I wished.

My little bubble of happyness abruptly blows up when the button of the shirt slips out of the eyelet right after I had buttoned it down. I do it again and go on buttoning myshirt up towards the collar, trying to ignore the resistance I findat each little button. When I look up in the mirror I can't help noticing the blouse slightly opens up in the spaces between the buttons, especially on my chest, so I can't deny the obviousness of it: this shitty blouse is too tight. I strongly doubt it shrank, the last time I washed it I did it the same way I always do and I never had problems. And it's from this simple observation that I, almost immediately, draw the second pleasant conclusion of the day: I put on weight, more weight, fuck. I can't say I didn't notice that before, I mean, with Thanksgiving, Christmas, new year's day and all the big blowouts in the middle, which were supposed to fill the void left by Jerry, in the last month, I'd be surprised if I hadn't gained a few pounds. Anyway, to imagine a possibility is one thing, but seeing the ugly truth say hi to you from those fucking holes between buttons is a totally different one.

"Umph!" I snort loudly as I open the first two buttons, randomly fumbling under the blouse in an attempt to move and arrange the cumbersome rack, a bit to the left, a bit to the right and I bit I don't know where, to fix the problem. Of course it doesn't work, also because the only effective way would be making my boobs disappear and I'm not an illusionist. I sadly drop my arms and look at the clock on the wall: it's 10.30 already, my shift starts in half an hour and there's no change I could ever make to this uniform in such a small amount of time. Fortunately, the skirt used to be kinda loose fitting and I have no problem with it, now it simply fits right. The only thing I can do now is button this shit up somehow and go to the diner for my first work day of the year hoping nobody will make shitty jokes. Or better, hoping to go unnoticed.

I follow the first part of my plan and get out of my room, almost running to the bathroom. I'm not surprised when I find Meg in there, sitting on the bowl all focused on her pedicure.

"Don't you ever close the door?" I ask her as usual, but more resignedly.

In the last couple of days, I can't say our conversations dropped to zero, but we simply limit ourselves to the essential. I'm still mad at her, after all she had no right to let out my secret to cover up her affair with Matt; at the same time, I don't really wanna be mad, mostly because I don't wanna have any more trouble because of Jerry.

"Oh, I'm so- WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOUR UNIFORM?" my roommate asks with very little tact, while I take my toothbrush and toothpaste.

Ok, Angie, going unnoticed is definitely out of question.

"To the uniform? Nothing. Something happened to me though, I puffed up" I answer as I lay a generous amount of white and blue paste on the toothbrush.

I wait for a while, in the pointless hope Meg will understand she should leave for a moment. She knows I don't like to share the bathroom. But she doesn't move and simply stares at me with a thoughtful look, while she keeps on rubbing a pumice under her foot. I sigh as I turn to the mirror and start brushing my teeth.

"JESUS FUCKIN' CHRIST, ARE YOU PREGNANT?!" she cries out of the blue and I just spit on the mirror some of the not yet melted toothpaste. And choke on the rest.

"MEG! BUT... ARE YOU INSANE?" I shout as soon as I stop coughing and spitting saliva and toothpaste, while she's standing next to me patting me on the back.

"The fuck do I know, you said you puffed up"

"I meant I got fatter, Meg, you know, the thing that happens when you eat too much?"