Wait until the music's over

43. Exes, camp fires and big mouths (Pt. 1)

"Oh shit, finally!" Jeff jumps off the hood of Laura's car as soon as he sees her getting out of her apartment and going down the short flight of stairs "Hurry up, we're already late"

"Good evening to you too, my love! Listen, where did all that sweetness you brought out the other night for our anniversary go? Did you burn it all at once?" the girl complains as she walks up to Jeff and rather reluctantly pecks him on the lips.

"What? No, no my love, it's just, well, fifteen minutes ago you said you were coming and..."

"And...?"

"And Eddie and I are here waiting in the cold and ice, you could at least have thrown us the car keys... darling!"

"Eddie's not complaining" she remarks looking at me and taking the just mentioned keys from her bag, then clinking them right before her boyfriend's nose, but keeping them tight.

"Actually it's not even been fifteen minutes, much less" I point out and Jeff gives me a nasty look.

"Yeah, sure... he says so because he doesn't want to offend you"

"Anyway I had to finish getting ready, so what?" Laura opens the car and takes the driver's seat.

"But baby, you're already beautiful and amazing, you surely don't need so much time to get ready, that's why I was surprised" Jeff's scene doesn't convice Laura, who bursts out laughing at his face before closing the car door on her side.

"Come on, baby, stop being an asshole and get up! Weren't you in a hurry?"

Jeff immediately does as she commanded and takes the seat on the front, next to Laura, while I sit in the back.

"I speak for Eddie, not for me. He's the one who can't wait to get to RKCNDY, right?" Jeff winks at me, but I've learned to ignore him.

"I just wanna get there before the show begins" I shrug as Laura starts the car and leaves.

That's not true for shit, of course. It's unusual for me, I know, but this time I don't give an actual fuck about the show. I respect the band and have been told the Inspector guys are good and also funny, that they interact a lot with the audience, and so on. But really, I don't give a fuck. Basically I'm going because Angie's there and by now I don't even waste time inventing excuses to tell myself not to admit I wanna see her. See her, then what? What do I do? What do I tell her? I'm so confused right now and it's not just my fault, after all she's got something to do with this mess too, she keeps sending fucking ambiguous signals. I mean, after I tried to ask her out with disastrous results I had basically given up and resigned myself to being turned down, and decided I should stay away from her for a while, also considering that I've been following her around since we came back from Canada. Well, resigned is a big word, say I was trying to focus on music and erase all the waves, scents, oceans with her name, looks, mermaids and any other thing that could remind me of her from my writing. And right when I was actually managing to do that, what did Angie do? She appeared in front of me, out of nowhere, with her smile, her raspy and charming voice, her inquiring eyes on me, so sweetly sharp at times that I almost feel naked and have the impression that she, I don't know, likes me? But then I hugged her and she didn't turn a hair, while I was getting drunk with her scent, which is both different every time and always the same. I was holding her and I swear my knees were shaking because I felt overwhelmed by all that peace and warmth and it was like I couldn't fully embrace her, like I wasn't able to hold and keep in my arms all that she could give me, like it was too much all at once. And I thought that if I had told her something like that, she would have thought I was crazy, or high, or both. Or she would have used her usual fucking self deprecation saying something about being too big to be hugged or shit like that, but I'd have shut her up with a greedy and euphoric kiss. And she'd have reacted with one of her infamous slaps full on my face or she'd have clinged to me and reciprocated the kiss twice as intensely and we'd have ended up rolling on that poor excuse for a couch at the gallery without really understanding how we got there. Or maybe she'd have kept it cool and then given me a side look and, with her diagonal smile, she'd have argued that shutting a woman's mouth with a kiss is the most sexist and stereotypical thing a man's mind can come up with and at that point I'd have definitely waved white flag and given in, and declaring myself officially hers I'd have got completely naked on the spot and told her she could do anything she wanted to me. None of that happened though and the mere fact I'm daydreaming about this and all the possible scenarios, as ridiculous as plausible, is enough for me to realise I'm not losing my mind for Angie, nuh, I already lost it and there's nothing I can do about it.