Stay Or Sing

Chapter 9 - If You Really Loved Me... Jase's POV

Jase's pov

"Jase, we need to talk," Rissa says. The words that I've been dreading. This can't be happening! I can't talk about this now, I'm not in the right mindset yet. If we do, I'm just going to end up saying the wrong thing. "Do we really have to discuss it now, Ris?" I say as she turns around in my arms to face me. She nods wearily and says, "I don't want to either but we both know that we need to have this conversation. Something's troubling you Jase. I can see that."

I love this girl and how well she can read me but at times like this I wish it were a power that she did not possess. I open my mouth to deny it but I stay quiet when I see her glaring at me, "And don't try to hide it or make an excuse. I know you Jase and I know when something's not right."

I guess this is going to be happening now, whether I like it or not. I sigh and sit up with my back against the headboard and she does the same. "So, you moving to Johannesburg. That's a little crazy isn't it?" I say trying to keep my voice and expression as neutral as possible. "Yeah. It's crazy, I didn't think that signing with Drew would include that. It's still an amazing opportunity though, " she replies. "You're still considering it then," I say. I have to admit that a small part of me was hoping that she wouldn't want to even consider this since it's so far away.

"Of course I am! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity for me, Jase! I'd have to be an idiot to not even consider it!" That is true. I can be quite an idiot at times. Of course she's not going to just give up her dream. For years it was me telling her to follow her dreams but now her dreams will be taking her away from me. "So you're going to leave me then," I say softly. I don't know if I really even wanted her to hear that. "Babe, I don't want to leave you but even if I do it's only for about a year, then I'll be back," she tries to reason with me. A year. That's so long in itself and it's only a matter of time before life starts happening and she makes it big and then she'll be gone all the time just like T- no, I can't let that cloud my judgement here.

"Until you have to leave again," I say. "Jase, I had haven't even decided yet. There's still a lot of stuff I have to think about. My parents, the gang, living arrangements and it's out last year at university I can't just drop out!"

"And me? Am I not important enough to be on the list?" I question softly. She mentioned university, the gang and even where she's going to stay but not me? It's already starting before she even made her choice. Second choice, once again. I'm pulled out of my thoughts as I feel her squeeze my palm in an effort to comfort me. "Jase, you're number 1 on the list. I love you! You and your opinions will always be important to me!"

"So if I told you not to go, you wouldn't?" I blurt out. I didn't mean to let that slip. I don't want to say it but this is turning out just how it did all those years ago. I look away as her hand drops from mine in shock. I'm an idiot but right now I just can't help it. "I'm sure I didn't hear you right. You aren't asking me to give up music, are you? To not even think about this amazing offer?" Rissa questions me in shock.

"Why do you sound so shocked about it? I just want to keep us together. You know what's going to happen if you leave. And don't even try saying that you'll be back because we both know thy once you go it's going to be the end of us!" I know that I'm being a jerk but right now I can't find it in myself to stop or regret these words. All I'm trying to do is make sure that we actually have a future together, that we don't lose each other. "The end of us? Jase, what are you talking about?" she asks bewildered. "You're going to go and fall in love, be it the place , the music industry or someone else, better than me! You promised that you'll never leave me! Why do you want to break that promise?" I can't help but say angrily.

"Why do you think that I'm going to fall for someone else, Jase! Don't you trust me! I love you Jase! I freaking love you! I'd never betray you like that! And as for falling in love? That's not going to happen! I love you and only you!" Her voice is raising and I can see her getting upset and angry. The longer this conversation goes on, the more I'm being taken back to the past and the more scared I get for my future with Rissa," You say that now, but it's going to happen. This is freaking history repeating itself! We're just going to end up hurting each other if we're so far away! Just like how it was for Tay-shit!" I stop in shock. I nearly say her name. I haven't uttered that name in over 5 years and now...

This is so frustrating! I get up and walk over to the window, I need some space. I need to calm down before I say something that I'm really going to regret. "What are you talking about Jason? How the hell is history repeating itself?" she questions. "It's not important. Forget I said that, it doesn't matter right now. What matters is that you want to leave me just like you promised me 5 years ago that you wouldn't!" I can't help but shout in reply.

"You know how much music means to me! You can't just expect me to give it up! Also are you forgetting that it was you who sent the video to AJ? THAT IT WAS YOU WHO PUSHED ME TO FOLLOW MY DREAM AND SING! AND NOW WHEN I HAVE THAT CHANCE YOU WANT ME TO GIVE IT UP?"

"SO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS THAT YOU'RE NOT WILLING TO GIVE UP MUSIC BUT YOU'RE WILLING TO GIVE ME UP!? YOU'RE CHOOSING MUSIC OVER ME! " I shout back. I know that I'm being unreasonable but right now I don't care. The only thing on my mind is the thought of Rissa leaving me and I can't let that happen.

Rissa stands up and starts to walk towards me." Jason, I'm not choosing anything over anyone! Why are you overreacting like this?" I let out a sigh. My mind full as the worries, doubts and memories swirl around. "Because I know how it feels to be second choice. I know that once you go and make it in the industry that's what I'll be. Always second freaking choice until I'm finally forgotten! If you really loved me then you wouldn't even be considering leaving me and taking this stupid offer! How do you even know that you're going to make it? That you're not just going to be giving everything up and wasting your time for a stupid failed dream!"

I look away and I hear the sound of keys before hearing her voice laced with what I can only identify as pain, "You can think whatever you want, Jason, about how I'm the bad one here for dreaming about my "stupid" dream but if you really love me like you say you do then you would never make me choose between my dream and you!"

I remain in place with my back facing her as my mind replays her words. I hear her footsteps as they grow softer but it's only when I hear the front door slam shut that I really realize what just happened. What have I done?

I was scared that she was going to leave me, but while trying to convince her not to I pushed her away even more

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Hey guys!

Hope you'll enjoyed! You'll finally get a glimpse into the mind of Jason Carter...

I'd love to hear what you have to think!

As usual, see you guys next Monday with Chapter 10!

Love you guys!

LSMusicLover 💜