Artificial(ish) Intelligence

Chapter 11

"Is it the Konami thingy?" said Will.

He'd heeled the uncouth deliverybot, its serpent-headed tendrils temporarily at bay, giving the selfiebot enough of a reprieve to float down to eye level.

"Let me first thank you, Will, for giving me the opportunity to truly--"

"Get on with it," said Will.

"Yes," she said, and made a strange mechanical noise as if clearing her throat. "The way I see it, your problem isn't insurmountable. There are a few clear pathways we can take which will fully--"

Snap! One of the deliverybot's clamps bit the air adjacent to the selifebot's body.

Will motioned to give the selfiebot the hurry up.

"You need to start by giving more," she said.

Will lowered an eyebrow. Or raised one. Here, let me demonstrate with an emoticon: ,':S.

"Give more what?" he said. "I've tried gifting Square, but they don't stop attacking. And Triangle just reject any attempts at--"

"Have you ever wanted to act in a selfless manner?" said the selfiebot.

"Huh?" said Will, completely confused by the strange words placed into a strange order by a strange robot.

"OK, let me say it in a different way," she said. "Don't you feel good when you help others? That psychological buzz that doesn't rely on altruistic feelings of--"

Will's face twisted so much there's no way I could represent it in an emoticon. Just think Pop-eye after a stroke. "What are you even talking about?" he said.

"I think Paige is your best chance at reducing your loneliness, to begin to form solid connections with other people."

"What's that got to do with the game?" said Will. "Help me win the competition. Isn't that the point?"

"No," said the selfiebot. "You're missing the point if you think that winning is what you need."

Forget Pop-eye, Will now screwed up his face so much it turned in on itself, becoming a temporary vacuum. It popped out when he boomed a response. "Then why are you here?! Why am I letting you stay? Argh, I knew you were just stalling."

He nodded toward the deliverybot and turned away.

Frozen in shock, the selfiebot was caught easily, pulled down with speed. "OK," she said, hurriedly, "OK, OK. I can do that, too. That one's easy."

But Will was only thinking of the competition, and how little time he had before his game. And how it was being wasted. "Hang on," he said.

"Oh, thank goodness," said the selfiebot. "I knew you wouldn't just let me--"

"Where's the replacement?" said Will.

"Dunno," said the deliverybot. "Not my department, mate."

"You were meant to swap it over," said Will.

"Egh," said the deliverybot, as it extended its metal strap around the selfiebot's body, dampening her fluttering wings. "Are ya gonna be home between four aye-em and eleven pee-em this Thursdee? Or Fridee? Or the next five weekends?"

"Obviously," said Will. "But won't it find me, anyway?"

"Dunno," said the deliverybot, "not my department, mate." With the selfiebot safely strapped in, it headed toward the chute. "S'right if I take off, now, mate? Got a lotta d'liv'ries and that."

"Mm," said Will, his mind on more important matters.

The cargo made a few squeaks that quickly became background noise as the deliverybot left through the chute.

Will clutched at his stomach. "Why are my noodles taking so long to get here?"