Artificial(ish) Intelligence

Chapter 144

"Just jump up, grandma," said Will.

"I can't get through, dear," said Will's grandma.

"She's too big," said Paige.

"Oops," said Will.

"What do you mean, oops?" said Paige.

"I forgot she's the alien."

"You said you'd done this before."

"Not as the alien," said Will, as if that were obvious.

"Princess Peach," mumbled Paige.

"Use your death ray to punch a hole, grandma," said Will.

"Bounce on your seat, baby," said Barry White, in grandma's ear. "Show off them firm ass cheeks!"

"That's right!" said grandma, after the reminder.

"Did it work?" said Paige.

Grandma squeezed a response. "Oh dear, I've found an office in a factory."

"That's it!" said Paige.

Against Will's wishes, they were playing the same map, and had found themselves in an eerily similar position, trailing by a death. They needed two kills and the enemy had retreated into an entrenched position. It was the standard tactic. That's why Will knew it was coming. Re-using strategies around Will was like lying to a liar.

"Where's princess?" said Paige.

No response.

"Dude?"

"Oh, I thought you must be talking to someone else," said Will, with friendly snark.

"No other princesses here," said Paige. "OK, I'm outside the factory. Grandma's in position."

What she didn't mention -- which is quite annoying since it's so pertinent to the story -- was that time was running out.

"But my kay-dee's the best," said Will, leaping to another shrub for cover. "I can't risk it."

"It's your own strat!" said Paige.

"Yeah, but...you know."

"How do I go backwards?" said grandma.

Barry White reminded her. Then praised her character's poise.

"I'm not moving," she said.

"Can they see you, grandma?" said Paige.

"Thrust your hips, mmm, ooohh yeah," said Barry White.

But she was stationary.

"Going in," said Paige. And she did, to a barrage of bullets from the Nazi's MG34. "Hurry, dude. My shield's holding, but it won't last forever."

In fact, the force of the bullets pushed her toward the door she'd entered through. If they forced her back far enough, they might notice the large alien perched above their heads.

She held the shield to her face. I'm picturing a super-hero movie where the hero's feet slides along the floor while struggling to maintain their position under the threat of some super-human baddie. Very exciting stuff.

"This isn't working," said Paige, blowing fringe hair from eyes.

"Why did you even go inside?" said Will.

"I couldn't risk them seeing grandma and turning on her."

The enemy was winning. Paige's Viking feet slid until her body was pushed out the door.