Artificial(ish) Intelligence

Chapter 39

Zerro's generous largesse wedged him in tight, as the van careened to the other side of the road.

"Partially-inhabiting domestic-swines," said Exx, pulling hard on the steering wheel.

Sirens blared from behind.

The brothers had been somewhat reluctant to utilise the services of a vehicle that could be easily tracked and remotely shut-down by the authorities and so had purchased, from a grey market dealer in Human Liberation Army territory, a quaint human-controlled automobile. Now, the partially-inhabiting domestic-swine were seemingly miffed at a non-self-driving vehicle sharing the road with the automated kind.

"I'm starving!" said Zerro.

"And how the-- Eh! How the pre-manure-discharged-droppings are we gonna get something to eat with these greedy-people on our tail?"

Exx turned sharply and, as per movie rules, accelerated down an alley, the van bouncing hard over potholes. He killed the engine and waited.

"I'm melting away!" said Zerro, caressing his rotund features.

Exx gave him a look that seemed to say no way are we getting food, even if you're hungry, especially since we have a job to get to, but which Zerro interpreted as mild gas.

Once their predators had been shaken, Exx took off. Then stopped. "What d'ya know? They lead us right to the next job."

"Yes, can I help you?" said the woman at the door, with a haughty expression.

"Paramedics," said Zerro.

"Hm?" she said.

The woman's eyes scanned past him. He followed her gaze, past the manicured front garden they'd trodden over, beyond the tall metal fence he'd had trouble scaling, coming to rest on a neighbour walking a dog.

"How did you even get onto my property?" said the woman.

"Para. Med. Ics," repeated Zerro.

He looked over to Exx for assistance, but his brother only narrowed his eyes further and sneered with more, err, sneeriness. Zerro raised his briefcase to the woman as evidence.

She spoke slowly and loudly: "I assure you I'm perfectly fine."

Exx sighed. This was a bad sign.

"Marvin," said Zerro, checking the app.

"Marvin?" said the woman. "Who's-- Oh. No, he's fine. Go away."

She tried to close the door but it was blocked by Exx's pointy-tipped shoe. After it bounced back, Zerro could see Exx's gloved hands already gripping the woman's neck, his matching blackened teeth pressed tight against her cheek. Zerro had felt the singe of that breath many times from a young age, until he'd learned how to deal with his brother. It mostly involved growing larger.

"We're here for Marvin, got it?" said Exx, standing on tippy toes.

The woman blinked rapidly, unable to breathe. Her arms flailed wildly until she slammed them against the door. Her hands seemed to search the dark wood.

Zerro stepped inside, staring at her like a child.

"Where is he?" said Exx.

When she opened her mouth. Nothing came out. But her fingers were doing most of the talking, walking their way to something hard and heavy. She gripped it, outside the view of either brother, and nodded toward a closed white door, leading to a basement.

Before they could turn, she flung it forward and let go of the handle. The wooden door swung closed, the brothers a safe distance away.

Zerro's face became a representation of a question mark. He expanded on it with an actual question. "Why did she do that for?"

When Exx dropped her, she grabbed her throat and hissed, hoarsely, "I can't abide an open door."

He shrugged and banged the white basement door off its hinges with a heavy kick. Zerro followed, stopping at the woman long enough to say, "Paramedics."

In the dingy basement, past the hot water system, sat a lonely little desk, a rickety chair, and a slumped Marvin. His screen was flashing red.

Zerro turned off the in-game health app with his administrator access.

Marvin's mother had followed them down the stairs, making sure to keep her distance. "It's not my fault. He does look quite emaciated, though. I told him he should get out more and not stay cooped up in this dungeon." She swallowed deeply and clutched her neck, adding a nervous smile. "It's not my fault, you understand."

Zerro paid her no attention. She was superfluous now that they'd gained entry and found the recipient of their delivery. Instead, he pressed a controller against the boy's neck. After the pulse reading was taken, he left Marvin's head to bang down hard on the desk.

"Are you qualified?" said the mother. "I've never seen a human--" She stopped, changed tack. "I understand ambulances to be fully automated now."

Zerro shrugged. "Are they?" he said, to his brother.

Exx curled his lips upside down. "That's a good question."

"It's a good question," repeated Zerro, slowly, to the woman.

Exx kneeled next to Marvin and flicked open the lid of their briefcase.