Artificial(ish) Intelligence

Chapter 71

"But why, mum?"

"It's rude! I didn't bring you up to not have manners, now, did I?"

"No, mum."

Will rocked in his seat. He'd been removed from the van and taken somewhere. The bag was still over his head, and his hand stung from where it scraped against the thorns of some plant on their way inside. He'd used it to protect against another region, far more delicate, which took the brunt of the early floral attack.

"You two are up to no good, again. Your mum's poor heart can't take it any more. Too much, it's too much."

"No mum, honest. Remember that job I told you about, the one where we get to drive around in the van and visit sick people. That's all this is."

"Is that true, Exx?"

A pause. And then: "He's sick."

Will coughed. He couldn't help it.

"Thank you, Exx. Good boy."

Zerro sighed. "See mum," he said, tapping on something, "this is the app we use. It's a health app. For health."

"Does he want a drink?" said their mum.

"Yes," said Will, adding an extra cough.

He felt the sack rising up his head. But before he could see anything, it was pushed back down.

"No, mum," said Zerro. "We can't, umm, you can't take the sack off. He's too sick. Contagious."

"Hrmm," said their mum, a universal noise meaning that she didn't fully believe her child but didn't have any evidence to the contrary.

On his other side Will felt a new presence. "Say another word," hissed Exx, "I'll make you wish you was dead."

OK, it sounds a little lame when written out like that, but you didn't hear the associated growl and the low menacing tone that accompanied the words. For Will, it's super effective!

"And I suppose you'll tell me this thing is sick, too?" said mum.

Will heard Libbi's sobs. They were there all along but he only just picked them out from the other sounds. It made him feel guilty.

"Can't you see how banged up it is?" said Zerro. "The poor thing's sick, very sick."

"Hrmm," said their mum, once again. She tried to push the point: "And when will I get to meet your boss?"

"Err," said Zerro. "Boss?"

"The new one," she said.

"He's busy."

"Too busy to visit your dear old mum?"

"He's the head of the company, mum!"

"Oh yes, I'm not important."

"Of course you are," said Zerro.

Libbi's metallic body shook and made strange noises, as if she was having trouble pumping electricity through all of her circuits.

"Is your boss happy with you?"

"Oh yes, mum. He is."

"I remember what happened last time, when you pretended you had a boss."

"He pulled a knife on me!" said Exx. "What did you expect me to do?"

"This one's different," said Zerro. "He's a respectable businessman."

"What's his name?"

"Josef," said Zerro.

"Don't call your boss by his first name!" said his mum.

"Sorry, mum. Mr Hydan."

"Never heard of him."

But Will had. He was just struggling to join the dots. If the brothers were involved in killing starving gamers, like they tried to do with Paige, and perhaps actually did with Marvin -- and if they were hired by Josef Hydan, then--

"I wish I could believe you. Your poor old mum's had so many heart attacks from all the stress you boys put her through. I just want you lot in a stable job, so you aren't on the streets causing mischief."

"I know, mum," said Zerro.

"Is that too much to ask?" she said.

Will thought back to when Libbi first emerged from the selfiebot's consciousness. She'd been recording that boring panel show -- so boring -- but it wasn't the warehouse that shook her free, it must have been Josef Hydan himself. He was connected to her predicament as well as to Paige's. It was as if both threads lead to the same pair of underwear.

"It belongs to him," said Zerro. "That's why we're in a hurry."

"In a hurry? You didn't care as much when I needed my couch back."

"It was falling apart!" said Zerro.

"I got you a new one," said Exx, using slightly more enthusiasm than Will had heard to date.

"You did not," said Zerro. "I did."

"No," said Exx.

"Yes!" said Zerro.

"Oh boys, you never stop fighting. I'm only an old woman, I can't take it much more."

"Sit down, mum, sit down," said Zerro.

Will heard shuffling noises. Then a light shove.

"No, I've got her," said Zerro.

"We need ta go, mum," said Exx. "Finish the job."

"Oh, that'd be right. You never come round to see me. You don't care about your old mum, any more."

"Of course we do," said Zerro. Another shove.

"I've got her!" said Exx, followed by a growl.

"No, no," said their mum, "go away. Leave me alone, as always."

"We won't go, mum," said Exx.

"Yeah, we won't go."

"Are you really going to stay?" she said.

"Of course, mum."

"Great! I'll go make us some tea."

Will heard a quick shuffle and fast footsteps out of the room.

"We have ta hurry," said Exx. "I don't like ta hurry."

"It's OK," said Zerro. "We can have tea, eat our doughnuts, chuck him in the river, and deliver the bot. Easy."

Will gulped.