Artificial(ish) Intelligence

Chapter 27

"I'm star-ar-ar-ving," said Will, as his app communicated with the point-of-sale screen. "Mmmm, two <trademarked burgers>!"

"You used me as a shield," said the selfiebot.

"So?" said Will, salivating at the succulent pictures on the board. "You're a robot."

"I'm not!" said the selfiebot.

"What? Oh, the human thing."

"The human thing?" repeated the selfiebot. "It hurts enough that you don't believe me, Will, but it's worse when there's physical pain to go along with it. I did get hit by one of those lasers."

"No you didn't," said Will.

"I'm not lying."

Will gave the bot a cursory scan. "Barely singed. And it's your own fault, anyway. As if you'd get to speak to the boss by rocking up to the front door."

"What other choice did I have?"

"What I'm saying is, it's not a great strategy, is it? It's not well thought-out. Too noobish."

While Will walked to the dispenser, an electrical signal zipped away from the <famous burger chain> restaurant, carrying a message to the main data centre that four slices of tomato were about to removed from the automated assembly area, which then, based on predictive technology, estimated the time before a new <trademarked burger> would be bought so that another tomato could be automatically picked from the vertical garden, sliced, and sent to the restaurant with their patented just-in-time processing, ensuring only the freshest ingredients.

"There's something about this place that's familiar," said the selfiebot.

"Yeah, they're now in <large number of> locations. It's hard for them to not be familiar."

"I don't know..." she said. "When you asked me for the closest restaurant, something lead me here."

"Your GPS," said Will.

"There's no directory service built-in, it wasn't from within the selfiebot. The music, it's drawing the suitcases closer so that...it's hard to explain."

It was only now that Will realised there even was music playing. It worked beautifully to set the mood, as you'd expect from <famous burger chain>, but wasn't familiar to him. He wasn't a big music person, but he knew the classics: the background music for Nazi vs Alien and Super Mario Bros. And, of course, the Zelda theme.

He sat down at a colourful table and bit into his <trademarked burger>, savouring the juicy flavour and other appropriate mottoes. He was far too busy to notice the selfiebot slip into a trance, its body frozen. After six or seven more bites of deliciousness, it had returned to the real world.

"Will!" she said. "I think I...it's a memory. But it's hazy, as if I'm looking from the outside in."

He kept on chewing.

The selfiebot projected a scene onto the table. If Will was watching he'd have have barely made out a neon-lit garage, perhaps a large underground car park, where two men stood -- one mean, the other talkative and simple. Dark objects in the foreground obscured the view, outside occasional peeks. A third man, taller, came up to them awkwardly, gesturing an explanation.

The vision and sound cut in and out. Just as the taller man was about to show his face, the memory ended.

"What do you think all that means?" said the selfiebot.

"Mits mo moodd," he said, mouth full.

The selfiebot waited, then asked again.

"It's so good," repeated Will, staring lovingly at the burger, shaking his head with a smile. He even shared his love with the two women on the next table. If this was a cartoon, floating hearts would be wafting from him in waves.