Artificial(ish) Intelligence

Chapter 82

"Ping!" said Zerro, poorly imitating the health app.

"Already?" said Exx. "You only just turned it on."

"I'm the best!" said Zerro. He turned to his brother and put on the scariest expression since the last time he tried to smile.

"Don't do that," said Exx, a palm in his brother's face. "It's gonna be a long night."

They turned down a side street, following the directions on the app. Which pinged again.

"Anther one," said Zerro. "Hey Exx, do you think it knows what it's doing?"

"I shouldn't ask," said Zerro. "I really shouldn't." He sighed. "OK, does what know what it's doing?"

"The little person inside the app."

"There's no person."

"But how does it know when someone's sick?" said Zerro.

The health app pinged.

Zerro almost bounced on his seat. "And that! How does it do that?"

"It does whatever its told to. Like us."

"So it's the same? Does it also like speckled doughnuts?"

"I doubt it," said Exx.

Zerro thought for a moment. "What does the toaster think about?"

"..."

"Not all the time! I just mean when it isn't toasting bread. Does it enjoy toasting bread? Does it want a different job?"

"What sort of job do ya think a toaster could do, other than, you know, making toast?"

"I don't know," said Zerro.

"Exactly," said Exx.

"But I haven't asked."

Exx turned down another street. "I've changed my mind," he said, staring at the app, "we're going to whichever one's closer."

"The boss said to get them all," said Zerro.

"We will," said Exx.

"Or we'll be fired," said Zerro.

"I was there, remember?"

Zerro nodded. "Aren't you happy I fixed the van?" he said.

"Mum fixed the van," said Exx.

"I know. And I handed her the cables. We did it together. That's because she likes me the best."

"Josef wasn't happy we let the selfiebot get away. If it weren't for me, you'd be fired. Then what would mum think?"

"That I'm the best," said Zerro.

Exx jolted the steering wheel and broke late, making the van screech around the corner. And making the briefcase press hard against Zerro's leg.

"Hey Exx," he said, pausing for the necessary sigh, "if apps are like us, then robots are like us. And if robots are like us, then this van is like us. And if the van is like us, then the briefcase is like us. Does that mean a little person is inside the briefcase?"

"He didn't put a person inside the new briefcase," said Exx.

"But couldn't there--"

"There's no person inside anything!"

"Not even you?" said Zerro.

"How could there be a person inside me? I'm me."

"Hey Exx, if there's a person inside you--"

"There isn't."

"--does that mean there must be a person inside the person? And a person inside him?"

"No," said Exx.

The health app pinged. And pinged again.

"Another," said Zerro. "And another!"

"All starvings?"

Zerro nodded.

"At least we got lots of jobs," said Exx. He snarled. "It might be a fun night, after all."