Artificial(ish) Intelligence

Chapter 41

Zerro took another bite. They'd stopped at the Muffin Emporium to buy muffins, but lodged in the rear of the display case, nestled against the blueberry low-fat option, sat a colourfully speckled iced doughnut. It had looked like an outcast among its peers, so it was only natural that he'd wanted it.

Exx shook his head. He'd finished his muffin already, scoffing it down before even getting behind the wheel.

But Zerro was going to savour the taste of the doughnut. He liked doughnuts. "Exx," he said. "Do you think that woman liked me?"

"Hm?" said Exx, turning out of the car park.

"The woman. At the last job. She smiled."

"Who the be-intimate cares?" said Exx, in a low gravelly voice too scared to alter its own inflection.

"Mum said it's important for people to like you."

"Not when you're working," said Exx.

"Oh," said Zerro. He seemed to consider this, staring down at the fast-moving reflective lane markings. They travelled in silence for a while until another thought hit him. "What if I smiled?"

Exx gave him a look. It was enough to get his point across.

"Mum said the most important thing you can wear is a smile," said Zerro.

"She couldn't afford new clothes," said Exx.

Zerro's face became concerned. "No," he said, "she told us that people will like you more if you smile."

Exx glanced over at his brother. "Go for it."

"Smile?" said Zerro.

Exx hissed, his worn eyes peering straight into his brother's. "Give us your best pearly whites," he said.

Zerro's brow furrowed as he tried to remember the right muscles to move. The corners of his lips tilted upwards, while the rest of his mouth remained tight. He let his lips part slightly, continuing to raise just the corners of his mouth. With the rest of his face unchanged, he looked over to Exx.

"Stool!" said his brother, turning away.

Zerro kept his expression unaltered. "Ium smarling," he said.

"Don't," said Exx.

Disappointed, Zerro relaxed his muscles, rubbing his cheeks. It was hard work looking happy. "I know! I'll work on it."

He tried the smile again, leaning forward, turning toward his brother. But the seatbelt got in the way. This conundrum took a moment to overcome. He had learnt about how to put on a seatbelt, and how to remove one, but not how to move within it. His jerky pulls did nothing. It wasn't until he relaxed and allowed the belt to slide slowly out that he was able to demonstrate the smile to Exx.

His brother pushed him away. "Stop it. What's the next job?"

"You're not wearing a seatbelt," said Zerro.

"And?"

"It's dangerous," said Zerro, seriously.

His brother hissed a breath and kept driving. He stole a few glances at Zerro, then eventually relented, pulling the seatbelt down across his body. "Are you checking it out or what?"

Zerro returned to smiling. Or trying to. He raised his eyebrows, but the expression seemed closer to what others would recognise as surprise.

"Oh, just give me the thing," said Exx, checking the app.

Zerro scrunched his nose but even that didn't feel right for a smile.

The car moved faster. Exx's attention was split between the view ahead and the app, at approximately 23% and 76% respectively.

Then the app made a noise, not unlike--

Pinnnngg.

This presumably added to the latter percentage.

Suddenly a spinning object appeared on the road. It was one of those moments where everything seems to slow down. Though, to be fair, life was one of those moments for Zerro. He took over the wheel, forcing the van hard up onto the median strip.

Exx's attention had turned almost 107% to the situation at hand. He slammed on the brakes. The van bounced its way to a stop, lurching the brothers forward in their chairs until the seatbelts got their chance to perform their job. We're back to real physics, here.

"Jesus Christ, why'd ya do that?" said Exx.

"You almost ran it over."

"Ran what over?"

They jumped out the van and doubled back. The object was still spinning.

"It's just a deliverybot," said Exx, inspecting the van's bumper. "It wouldn't have caused us any damage."

But it was helpless, on its back, spinning from earlier impacts. Zerro lowered his hand over the plastic undercarriage until friction caused it to stop. "You were going to hit it," he said, righting the deliverybot.

Exx shook his head, annoyed.

"You poor thing," said Zerro, caressing the bot back to life, stroking Fivven like a cat. He'd learnt a lot since childhood, and wouldn't engage in the same actions against this poor creature. Besides, there were no metal clamps or chicken wire lying around. "You don't fit in, do you?"