Artificial(ish) Intelligence

Chapter 109

"So as I was saying," said Will, grunting at yet another nudge from behind, "I need to talk to you about your-- Oww!"

Exx prodded him to move faster down the corridor.

"We can come to an understand--"

"Shut it," said Exx.

Zerro followed the pair, lavishing attention on Barry White. "These selfiebots are so cute," he said.

"But your mum," said Will, skipping ahead, "before I came here--"

"What did you say?!" said Exx, drawing Will back to a stop.

They were eye to eye, though not for long as Will did everything in his power to avoid the man's glare. It was like staring into the sun.

"You might wanna think twice before saying what you're about to say," said Exx.

Will intently watched the chunk of wall that was positioned directly and specifically where Exx's piercing eyes weren't. "No, I don't think you--"

"Exactly," said Exx. "Don't think. Don't speak. Don't even imagine your lips saying those bad things about my mum. Got it?"

Will's mouth wavered. Followed by his head. Followed by his voice. "We've, err, got off on the wrong--"

Exx's response hit him like one of his own farts: quiet and unpredictable. The menace contained in those words were far too intense for me to reach your gentle ears, so I won't even try. Suffice to say that Exx gave some indication that he wouldn't be completely against the idea of allowing Will the privilege of no longer breathing, and doing so there and then, before realising a superior proposition involving a drawn-out fate similar to that currently inflicted on many gamers, a body slowly fading away due to starvation.

Will took special note of this last point, though not for reasons of self-preservation. Before the thought completed its ricocheted journey around the empty chamber of his head, he felt his body forced to a stop. He was sure he'd be chucked into a miserable cell, shared with a few rats and an iron-masked Frenchman, but when he peeked inside he saw a work desk strewn with electronic detritus.

"Cuter than girls, even," said Zerro, staring lovingly at Barry White. "Don't you think?"

But Will wasn't listening, his focus tuned to the surprising item in the room: a screen. He immediately wondered if there were any games in the system, since he'd hardly satiated his addiction with the incomplete competition match.

"Oh, great," said Exx, exacerbated by something.

But Will couldn't take his eyes off the screen. He smiled at the thought of taking out a few Nazis and coming out with the best win/loss ratio. His fingers twitched subconsciously.

"More clean-up," said Exx. "I'm sure I'll have to do it."

If Will was watching, he would have noticed the look Exx gave his brother. And the look his brother, in return, gave to his new pet selfiebot. Instead, he only now noticed the subject of Exx's comment. Below the screen, the wonderful, lovely screen -- possibly connected to a network with a large install-base of games -- lay a woman. It was the most uncomfortable position Will had ever seen someone sleep in. It must be sleep, because he didn't want to think about what else she could be doing, even if it reminded him of the outcome of his knife-work in FPS'. Besides, when they were dead, there'd often be a red indicator leaking from their--

He saw the blood. Then his stomach made the unilateral decision to free him from the tiny scraps of food he'd consumed in the previous twenty-four hours.

"Hey Exx," said Zerro. "Why do you think he left it there? He was happy with the one we gave him."

"They're never happy," said Exx. "That's why they're still not delivering any food, and why we keep getting called out."

Will coughed up the last of his dinner.

"Done?" said Exx, showing even less compassion than a wild boar staring down at a pair of helpless tigers caught in a trapping pit. "That I'm not cleaning up. Come on."

Will was yanked away, thankful for the body to be out of his sight. He wiped his mouth and stumbled down yet another corridor, his vision bleary. Even through the haze he questioned my lack of creativity.

Hey, I can't help that there's numerous empty corridors in large buildings. I didn't remove the need for countless jobs through automation. It's not my fault.

My tirade was cut short by Will tripping over a lump of shaped metal, banging off a wall, his feet knocking against a low grate. Suddenly he was thrown to the ground.

"This'll do for now," said Exx.

"Are you sure?" said Zerro.

"He's not here," said Exx. "He's there."

Will grappled onto the floor, his weak body happy for the reprieve. But when the entire room flipped, and the floor became the ceiling, he tensed his non-existent abs, eager to preserve the remainder of any partially-congested food.

"That thing, too," said Exx, somewhere below or above him.

"Aww, really?" said Zerro.

After a pause, Will heard the flutter of wings before the door clattered shut.