A Place For Me

.10 Smile

Ch.10

I was still curled up in bed even two days after Jen left. Ryker came and sat with me when he didn't have work or meetings. I was thankful he knew I needed time. My heart was hurting. We weren't blood but I was growing to love and trust again. Once again it was shattered into pieces.

She was in pain, knowing I was the cause of her lovers death. I know I deserved the slap. I shouldn't have been walking around in those clothing. Even if John was a dog I was the one who should had more respect for myself. Mother was right, I am a slut waiting to happen. I am nothing pure. I deserve all that I'm given. 

"Trash like you isn't ever wanted."

My thoughts were cut into as Anna walked inside my room. She moved quietly. I pulled the covers down from over my head to see better, she had brought lunch. I knew I had to eat yet food shouldn't be wasted on me. 

"Master Ryker says you don't have to eat. Just be aware that if you don't he will come and...shove more than food....down your throat."  I could see her cheeks heating up as she repeated the message. 

My own face turned red and heated as I moved to sit up more and hold my hands out for the plate. Smiling she moved closer and set it carefully in my hands. I couldn't hold back a smile at the thought of Ryker making sure Anna listened to every word. It was embarrassing yet it was successful. I started to eat quietly as I thought on the others back at the house. Did Jen go back and turn them all against me? Did Lilly and Pepper cry? Maybe they all casted me aside. 

"...a walk soon" I noticed that Anna was talking. I felt bad for not paying attention. She noticed and didn't mind as she repeated herself. "Master Ryker wanted to know if you wanted to go on a walk soon. To clear your thoughts. That or horse-back riding."

I looked back at the plate of chicken, peas, and mashed potatoes. "That sounds nice." I spoke softly before going back to chewing. 

Anna nodded before turning to leave my room again. "I'll go tell Master. I'll be back soon to gather your dishes."

I watched her walk out before looking over at my window. While eating more I started to picture a nice day with Ryker. We've yet to have one so I couldn't turn this down. I needed my mind off many things as well. The nagging feeling of so many things going wrong now was flooding my daily thoughts. My peace was only here when Ryker was beside me. 

Shaking my head I lifted my hand to the side of my head. Feeling my head was slightly heated I set my dish aside and sighed softly. I was a man. I shouldn't keep thinking like a weak frail woman. Ryker wanted a man for his lover so that's what I needed to start being.

Sliding off my bed and moving towards the closet my thoughts turned determined. Walking inside the spaces compartment I started to search for thicker clothing to wear. Most of my new clothing was silk, or a soft thin fabric. Seeing that I had nothing made for a man with real honor I moved out of my closet and towards my door. Opening it I blinked at the sight of Anna preparing to knock on it.

"Oh, Mr. Kia I was just returning." She smiled at me and I tilted my head.

"Anna....I was looking for some clothing. New and possibly far tougher then my clothing now." I could only hope she could help me. I wasn't even fully sure I spoke correctly.

Anna moved to hold her hands down before her while watching me. "Right away, but is something wrong with your clothing now?"

My hand lifted to my hair as I thought once again on how to word how I felt. "They are perfectly fine but I would just rather have different clothing for a day out with Ryker. Most of my clothing are for indoor wear and light spring." I could feel her watching me before she nodded and took the bait.