somebody to love / cashton

Thirty Seven

Ashton woke up the next morning and much to his disappointment Calum wasn't in his arms. He was in the bathroom, surprisingly shaving.

"Since when do you have facial hair?" Ashton comments.

"Since you left." Calum replies a little bitter and Ashton frowns. Calum turns around.

"Sorry.." he mutters.

"It's okay, I deserved that." Ashton shrugs.

Calum continued to get ready silently and all Ashton could do was get used to it. Him and Calum shouldn't be interacting, it would just lead to more heartbreak.

When Calum was done he was halfway out the door when Ashton called, "Where are you going?"

"Out." Is all Calum said in return.

Ashton forgot Calum didn't need to give him details anymore. They weren't dating and they weren't friends.

Darius came over to their dorm to see Ashton. "Did you talk to him?" he asks.

"Yeah." Ashton sighed.

"Did you do anything else?"

"No."

Darius rolls his eyes and makes Ashton move over so he can sit on his bed. "Give me details Irwin."

"He said the sex didn't matter. He doesn't have feelings for the person I became. He only wants the old me and I don't know how to get there...then we agreed to move on."

"But you can't move on, can you?" Darius raises his eyebrows.

"Nope.."

"Ok so we just need to make you less of an asshole and he'll take you back!"

"Excuse you." Ashton glares. "But I don't think it's that easy, I'm not exactly good with expressing my feelings."

"Just lay it all on him, he needs to know everything." Darius says.

"If it were that easy I would've had him back by now."

-

Meanwhile Calum was meeting up with a cute guy from english that wasn't Will, and that was for sure gay this time.

"So I really liked your poem about those two lovers that fell apart. You said something like souls drifting away. Really deep." Calum compliments Avery.

"And I really liked how you look in that shirt." Avery shoots back.

Calum giggles. "So do you like old movies?"

"What kind of old movies?"

"Old disney movies..?" Calum laughs a little.

"Well I love disney in general so sign me up." Avery says.

"Ok so like if it's not weird, do you want to go back to my dorm and watch the lion king?"

"Already taking me to your dorm how scandalous!"

"Not as scandalous as my roommate watching us watch lion king." Calum adds.

Avery laughs, "True. Now take me to this dorm of yours."

Calum brings over Avery and Ashton is in there by himself. The Harry Styles posted that Calum ripped down last night is now back on the wall.

"Hello!" Avery says to Ashton.

Ashton tries to hold back his glare and presses his lips together. "Hello.."

Calum gets the movie ready and him and Avery curl up on Calum's bed together. Ashton sits on his side of the room fuelling with rage.

He had no control of his emotions. He was either numb or just flat out angry and jealous. Ashton couldn't stand letting people see him cry and be vulnerable so he hid those feelings away.

But he couldn't hide forever.

Every minute into the movie Calum and Avery got closer and it made Ashton twitch. He could feel himself shake when he watched Avery rest his hand on Calum's knee.

Calum on the other hand was blushing like mad, not being able to decide whether he should focus on Avery or the movie. All this flirting made him feel good, but the thought of making Ashton jealous felt better.

He couldn't deny his feelings for Ashton, he was just simply pushing them away to deal with later.

When the movie ended Calum and Avery almost had a moment, but they both could tell it wasn't the right time.

"So I'll see you around?" Calum asks as Avery steps out the door.

"Definitely...text me later." Avery smiles and walks away down the hall.

Calum shuts the door and turns around, greeted by a not so happy Ashton. But the boy was clearly trying to calm himself down now that his competition left.

"I can tell that you're mad you know." Calum says and sits back down in his bed.

"Not mad." Ashton replies, scrolling through his phone.

Calum scoffs. "Please, you were always one for temper tantrums."

Ashton wants Calum to just shut up and feel what he feels so he doesn't have to explain it.

"Not mad just..upset. Okay?"

Calum frowns a little, he looks at the Harry Styles poster on the wall. "You put it back up?"

"Of course I put it back up. I know how much it means to you."

Calum didn't realize how much Ashton still cared, even for a stupid poster. "Oh...thanks. I thought you said it made me nerdy."

"I like nerdy." Ashton replies.

Calum was confused, Ashton never acted this way. Or at least not the new Ashton. "So what you're just gonna start being nice to me and shit now?"

"I'm sorry do you not want me to care about you?" Ashton puts down his phone and turns to Calum.

"For the last time, I don't need you to care Ashton. We're not dating, we're not even friends!" Calum gets irritated, he feels like they've had this conversation a million times.

"You can't stop me from feeling the things I feel!" Ashton yells back, clearly letting his pain seep through. He can't keep being stone cold forever.

"What do you feel Ashton, please elaborate. Ever since you've changed it seems like you don't feel anything at all!" Calum almost begs for the truth.

"I..." Ashton doesn't know where to begin.

"You asked me how I felt about the night we hooked up, you wanted to know so bad. How did you feel huh? Because my answer seemed to shut you up real fast."

"The night we hooked up made me realize I still love you, okay? That's why I kept trying to talk to you, but you said...you don't feel the same. I don't get you though, you say we should move on, then you say you don't want to! Now you bring a new guy over? Can you at least stop giving me mixed signals."

"Ashton I don't think you understand, I was only in love with the boy who came to be my foster brother, the boy who used me as a fake boyfriend so people would think I was hot. The boy who got under my nerves way to much, the only boy I ever let sleep in my bed. But you, you aren't that boy. I don't know what happened to him."

"You made me that boy! You brought out the best in me. Look at me now, I'm fucked up. I've always been fucked up, and things always seem to go wrong. But with you everything was right. With you I can be better...you make me better."

For once Calum is speechless, he has Ashton open and vulnerable right in his hands like putty. And he doesn't have a clue what to do with him.