somebody to love / cashton

Twenty Eight

Calum stood in his bedroom, looking in the mirror. He had on his blue cap and gown, ready for graduation. Except now he didn't even want to go.

He lays down on his bed and thinks WWHSD, what would Harry Styles do?

Harry Styles would probably show up in some custom gucci graduation gown and show Ashton what he's missing, but Calum just didn't have that confidence.

He sits back up and stares across the room at Ashton's empty bed, his empty drawers. He's never missed someone invading his space so much.

Calum never liked the idea of sharing a room, or a bed. But somehow with Ashton it was perfect.

"Calum! What are you doing!?" Joy fusses, "You're gonna wrinkle your gown."

Calum sighs and takes it off, handing it to his mother so she can hang it up until they have to go.

Once Joy leaves, Calum climbs into Ashton's bed instead of his. The sheets still smell like him, but he's never coming back.

I may not have wanted him in my family, but he didn't want me at all, Calum thought to himself.

Without Calum noticing, Mali watches from the doorway. She watches him cry into the pillow of Ashton's with guilt.

Mali has never seen him so hurt before and it makes her mad. She let Ashton take Calum's heart and stomp all over it.

Ashton was going to have to deal with her wrath now, because no one hurts her baby brother.

- at graduation -

All the grads were lined up, ready to fill the seats and wait for the ceremony to begin. Joy and David left to find seats while Mali went off to find Ashton.

Ashton was in the line up with Alex. Mali coughs, "Ashton? Can I speak with you?"

Ashton turns around, not expecting to see Mali. He tries to make up some bullshit excuse. "Actually I have to-"

"Let me rephrase. Ashton come with me, we're going to have a little chat." Mali cuts him off.

Ashton mentally groans and tells Alex to save him a seat, stepping out of line and following Mali into an empty hallway.

"What do you want Mali?"

"I want an explanation." Mali raises her eyebrows and crosses her arms.

"Why don't you just ask Calum." he sighs.

"Calum isn't available right now, Calum has shut down. Calum is a broken record saying "I'm fine" and you broke him!" Mali yells in return.

"I think you mean Calum is selfish."

Ashton rolls his eyes and continues. "You guys have everything, perfect family, perfect home. I have nothing! You were my one shot at getting adopted and Calum shot it down. Said he didn't want me apart of this family."

"Are you a colossal fucking dumbass?" Mali asks.

"Excuse me?"

"Of course Calum didn't want you in the family, you're his boyfriend! Why would he want to date his brother!? And don't you dare fucking call him selfish. He would never leave you because he loves you! He's always wanted the best for you. And the best for you in his eyes was not being his brother, it was marrying you some day and starting a family of you own!"

Ashton didn't know what to say.

"You didn't even say goodbye, to any of us. You had a dumb fight with Calum and moved out forever? Are you kidding me Ashton? You're a goddamn adult, you should start acting like one. You could've waited and tried to talk things out, but no. You took the first chance you could get and packed up everything and left."

"Calum wanted me gone." Ashton states.

"No. He didn't. Why would he have went through hell trying to get you, just to wish it all away? Did you even really want us to adopt you? Because I don't think you did. You would've fought for it, you would've stayed."

"Come on Mali, you don't understand. You don't even know me."

"I thought I did! I knew somewhere in there you were a great guy. But I also knew you were capable of hurting Calum. You promised me you wouldn't but here we are!" Mali was fuming.

"You think you're the only one losing something? Because Calum is too. You came into his life and changed him for the better. Before you, he would never even leave the house. And now you're gone..and so is he. I've never seen him this bad before. He may seem fine but look him in the eyes, there's nothing there."

A wash of guilt starts to take over Ashton.

"Ashton he's been sleeping in your bed.."

Ashton wanted to just break down and apologize. Mali had really gotten inside his head. But he was still mad, and he couldn't help the anger pulsing inside of him.

"You know what fuck you Mali! Fuck you and your family, and Calum! I don't care, I'm not your problem anymore. So you can stop worrying. This was never meant to be. Now if you excuse me, I have to go graduate."

Ashton pushes past Mali and walks down the hallway towards the ceremony.

"Real nice Ashton! I hope you grow some respect in the future." Mali yells after him but Ashton just ignores her.

-

As students one by one got called up to accept their diplomas, Calum's name was called. Ashton watches as he goes up on stage. He's smiling and thanking the principal, but he sees it.

The emptiness inside Calum's brown eyes.

That's when Ashton truly knows he's made a mistake, he's tarnished something beautiful. He's left Calum like a butterfly with a broken wing.

But he can't go back.

When Ashton goes to accept his own diploma it doesn't feel right. Alex and his football buddies are cheering him on. But it should've been Calum, Michael and Luke.

Instead, he sees the 3 boys frowning at him, or maybe it's only Michael and Luke. Calum can't bare to even look in his direction.

This wasn't how it's supposed to be.

Tears slip down Calum's cheeks and fall into his lap. There he was, in the middle of graduation having a full on meltdown.

Thank god other people were crying so he didn't look crazy.

Michael noticed though, he squeezed Calum's hand to tell him everything was gonna be alright.

Was it alright though?

As the grads stood up and all tossed their hats in the air, Calum didn't feel free like you were supposed to.

He felt like he was watching Ashton walk out another door, leaving him behind again, this time maybe forever.