This is to the man that
Took too much from me:
When I found out what truly went on,
What you did to me all these years,
I felt all of me die swiftly.
My heart, my soul, my entire being
Was stripped away from me
And I was left to pick everything up,
Straighten it, and be clean again.
I was supposed to make myself
Become complete after breaking
Into a million pieces.
I still haven't fully recovered.
Because of you,
I'm a shell of who I used to be,
Who I could even be in the future.
Because of you,
I tense at physical touch, especially
Around the areas you bruised me
With your unwanted hands.
Because of you,
I live in constant fear
Of harming and being harmed.
Because of you,
I lie awake at night in utter panic,
Anticipating you coming in
And killing me on the spot.
You won't bat an eye to that, I'm sure.
And when I'm not in your grasp,
Away from home,
Thoughts of you flood into my mind
Unannounced and uninvited,
And I feel the same panic I feel
Whenever you're around.
These intrusive thoughts:
Of being killed, of losing people,
Of something purely going wrong
And you would find out.
It would spiral and spiral
Until I feel myself slipping away
From the little piece of sanity I have.
When I crash back into reality,
The respite isn't enough to avoid
The next wave of intrusion.
It's hard for me
To see pictures of a younger me,
A smaller me,
Smiling so bright.
Because when I see it,
I always wonder
What happened to the little girl
Who was genuinely happy
In the snapshots of her life.
And then I'm hit with the answer.
YOU ARE READING
Imagine
PoetryA collection of poems, stemming from a girl being hopelessly in love, the recollection of her past trauma, and the impending unknown that her life will inevitably encounter. And within these moments is a world of her own, tangible and ever-growing...
