The Guilt Consumes

Chapter 20

I went to bed early last night, acting as if I was asleep when really, I wasn't. I heard Leith on the phone. My guess is, he was talking to Reagan. He thought I had been asleep.

Last night.
"Listen, I think she's really pissed off right now.... no I didn't tell her, did you?....my guess is she just found out on her own.... no, don't worry I'll talk to her in the morning.... if you think it'll help then yeah, you do that.... okay.... see you tomorrow"

Present day

So yeah, that's how it went. I woke up extra early so I don't have to face him. But sadly, me waking up early got me into a situation with my dear old mother.

"So, how's school?" It's only us two in the kitchen eating breakfast. It's really awkward. Why I land myself in a situation like this I'll never know.

"It's okay" I reply back bluntly without making eye contact with her. I carry on eating my cereal as silence fills the atmosphere. I hear her sighing before she gets up and washes her mug.

"Please Blythe, I'm trying here. What can I do to make you... forgive me or at least talk to me?" She asks me and I hear the pain in her voice. I look down into my bowl and feel guilty. should I though, be feeling guilty?

"I don't know how long it will take for me to forgive you. But I guess I can... talk to you without being a stupid teenager." I offer her and she smiles brightly at me. I smile back, finding the conversations comforting. I can't fully trust her yet, but I guess I can be on the road to forgiveness.

"Thank you Blythe. And I'm sorry. About how you found out about your real mother. But I want you to know, I love you Blythe. I brought you up like you were my own. And in my eyes, you'll always be my daughter. I don't care if we're not blood. I love you and my love for you is enough to make me want to be your mother. For you to see me as your mother. I know what I've done is unforgivable and I don't expect you to forgive me right away, but I hope we can re-build our relationship again. I miss you and I miss all the moments we had. I'm trying to be a better person now and I'm happy that I'm back in your fathers life even if we are just friends." By the end of her speech, I feel my eyes begin to water and I see her eyes full with unshed tears. I stand up and walk around the table. I smile at her and hug her. She stays still for a moment and then wraps her arms around me, making me feel safe in her arms once again. The tear fall and I cling on to her, holding her so she doesn't disappear.

"I love you mum. I always have and I always will" we pull apart and she holds me at arms length. "You're my mum. I just thought... I thought you didn't want us anymore, or love us even. I was hurt and betrayed at the fact that you'd gone off with other men leaving us here"

"Oh honey, I'm so ashamed. When i left that door, it made me realise what I had been missing. What I had lost. And I couldn't bare the thought of not being a part of your life and Leith's." I smile at her and hug her again. She kisses my forehead and i sigh in contentment. This is what I needed. Her warmth. Her hug. Her comfort. Just her. We pull away and she kisses my cheek.

"I need to head to school. I'll see you when I get home I guess" she smiles back at me and nods her head. I grab my bag and turn to leave. I pass the mirror and see the state I'm in. I sigh and being to wipe at my under eye. It was a good decision to not wear make up today. After fixing up, I exit the house and walk along the streets. I take in the cold weather while thinking about what I'm going to do today with Reagan. Do I approach her? Do I ignore her? Do I talk to her? I'm so confused. I don't know what to do. I sigh and kick a stone on the road.