The Guilt Consumes

Chapter 30

B  L  Y  T  H  E    S  L  A  T  E  R

I wake up the next morning and get ready for school. I look in the mirror and see my eyes have bags under them. They're red and swollen. The pain is still there. It's like, I can't get rid of pain. It's like it's grown a part of me. I feel tears stinging my eyes and I let them fall. I know that when I see him today, I won't be able to handle it. I won't be able to control myself because I still love him. I can't seem to hate him, not even now. I hate myself for letting him do this to me. I hate myself for letting this happen to me. I hate me.

Tears continuously fall and I crash to the floor. I hug my knees to my head and rest my cheek on them. A knock at my bedroom door makes me lift my head up. The door opens and Reagan enters. She sighs and walks to me.

"Oh baby" she hugs me and I cry on her shoulder. I shake and sob.

"It... it hurts Ray" I look up and meet her eyes.

"What babe, what hurts?"

"Everything. This pain... it's killing me and I don't think I can handle it this time around. I can't forgive myself."

"For what?"

"For what I did to Jack! I can't" I whisper out feeling defected. She puts my head on her shoulder and runs her hands through my hair.

"You want to stay home?" I shake my head and stand up.

"I don't want to. Call me stupid, but a part of me wants to see Liam" i shrug and she nods her head.

"It's not being stupid. It's being real with yourself. You can't lie to yourself about how you feel. You love him, a lot. Anyone can see that"

"Can they?" She nods her head. "Can they see if Liam loves me?" I ask her and she steps closer to me. She touches my cheek and wipes away some tears.

"Of course. Blythe, I truly believe he means it when he says he loves you but that doesn't make what he did okay. It doesn't mean he can be easily forgiven but remember, you won't be able to live with yourself if you don't forgive. Living with that hatred or feeling of not forgiving one person can make you depressed. You won't be able to move forward. You can always forgive, but never forget yeah?" I sniff and nod my head. She hugs me and I hold her tight.

"Let's get going"

"Let's and I'll be there every step with you, holding your hand" she clutches my hand and leads us out of my room. When I reach the kitchen I see Leith sitting there by himself on his phone.

"Hey" he looks up and rushes to my side and hugs me. I hug him back and close my eyes.

"Shall I beat him up for you?" He asks me and I shake my head.

"I just... want to leave it alone"

"Okay. Whatever you want" he kisses my head and I smile.

"Well, we've got to go so, see you later" Reagan pulls me out of the hug and kisses Leith. I stand there and watch them in awe. "I love you"

"I love you too" they pull away and Reagan and I make our way to school.

"What do you think Ariana will do with the recording?" I ask her and she scowls.