Transcendental (Working Title) Completed First Draft Revising Rewriting Editing

The Devil's Temper

I couldn't really believe that I was here. Not just at the cabin, but here in Devlin's arms, snuggled up against him, nestled into the crook of his shoulder as if this was where I belonged. He had even gently kissed the top of my head and his fingers were absently playing in my hair. I resisted the urge to pinch myself, if it was a dream, then I never wanted to wake up. Never in my wildest imaginings had I anticipated today to go like this. He had kissed me! And not just a peck, it had been a full blown make-out level, tongue in mouth, bonafide french kiss. When he grabbed me by my hair and deepened the kiss, I had never felt anything like that before, or been so turned on in my whole life. He had held me so tenderly, kissing me gently, murmuring soft words of praise, he hadn't just abruptly yanked himself away like I had expected. But then, none of this was anything I had expected. Not the kiss, the conversation, or the current all night long cuddle session we just had. I was in awe of him and I was both excited as I was afraid.

"Can I ask you something?", my words quiet and tentative.

Devlin looked worried for a brief moment, but then answered with his typical air of indifference "Sure."

"Why doesn't it?" I ask, my fingers twisting nervously into my shirt.

"Michael, your so random. context please", "Why doesn't it what? What exactly are you asking about?" Devlin smirked and ruffled my hair playfully, but I was trying to be serious, I ducked away and slapped at his hand.

"Sorry." But he chuckled in amusement while I contained my annoyance at his cavalier attitude, "Why doesn't this, I raise my hand to indicate the two of us laying together. "Why aren't you bothered by it, I mean, your straight, shouldn't it bother you at least a little?" My voice inadvertently quavered at the end of my question despite my positive feelings about how everything had gone so far.

Devlin looked at me quietly, his expression contemplative for a moment, "That's not a simple answer Michael."

I lift my head from the comfy nook of his shoulder to look at him with worried curiosity "Why not?"

"Because it isn't, sheesh Michael." He pushed my head back down to his shoulder.

I wasn't trying to irritate him, I just needed to know what to be prepared for. Despite what he may think, I didn't just randomly blurt out about being gay without putting a lot of, some would say overly obsessive, thought into it. Hindsight I suppose choosing the school gym locker room wasn't the greatest idea. But it had taken me almost a year to finally come to the decision to tell him and then a couple months before I was able to work up the nerve. I had been terrified of what it would do to our friendship, I'm still afraid of the potential fallout. I sighed softly and just let him push my head back down, then turn my face into him to hide there for a moment breathing him in and taking what comfort I could from his seeming acceptance of me and my new status. But I couldn't seem to stop myself from talking "I just want to have an inkling of what to expect so I can prepare myself Devlin, I am not trying to be difficult." I buried my face in further, feeling my embarrassment heat my face.

Devlin huffed and pulled his hand out from behind me to rake through his hair in exasperation "Damn dude, your just like a chic!." He snapped at me.

It surprised me how much his words stung. But this was more along the lines of how I had expected him to treat me. That didn't make it feel any better. I knew that Devlin's confident bravado was just an act, he was just as "tail spun" as I was, if not more so. I suppose I should have just let things alone, he was struggling here to. It wasn't fair of me to expect him to take over and 'fix' everything. He didn't sign up for any of this, and frankly, he was handling it all like a champ compared to what I had anticipated. I heard him groan in discomfort and felt guilty," I'm sorry Dev." I hugged him tightly, hoping he would continue forgiving me for being so pushy after dumping all of this on him.