Backstage

Chapter 21

Esme POV

Today was the last day of filming and surprisingly we were actually ahead of time thanks to some extra late nights. We only had 2 scenes to shoot today which I was hoping to get done by the afternoon then it was all cleaning and clearing the set to do.

Wrapping my scarf tighter around me i made my way to the set. November had turned out to be freezing. Although winter is my favourite time of the year excluding autumn I still wish it was a bit warmer.

I get to set at 8 to see most of the cast, Isaac and Sophie. Where's Dan? I walked over to Sophie who was sorting out the costumes for today though there wasn't many as there isn't many characters and they wear pretty much the same boring things throughout the movie. I wanted them to be as ordinary as possible.

"Morning" Sophie said brightly.

"Morning" I replied still sleepy.

"I can't believe it's the last day!" Sophie exclaimed.

"Neither it's gone so fast. I'm going to miss it" I said sadly. I really was going to miss it. The people, the atmosphere even the work. It was like my life finally had purpose.

"Me too" she answered in an equally sad tone. Suddenly I felt arms wrap around my waist from behind.

"Morning" Dan whispered into my ear. I jumped slightly and moved out of his arms. He frowned slightly. Sophie also looked at me weirdly. But the truth was me and Dan weren't officially a couple and I'm not sure if I could. I mean I love Dan. Love? Did I really love Dan? I think I do...

But I can't he deserves more. If he knew he wouldn't even want to look at me. It seems harsh but i can't even look at myself. I couldn't do that to him.

But you love him

I no that's why I have to protect him. He deserves more than me. Much more. Anyway how could he love someone like me? My own family hate me. I'm just a disappointment to them. A worthless disappointment. It would be cruel to love Dan. Yes I'd led him on but I realise why I can't now. After last night it all came flooding back like a wave. I drowned a long time ago...

"I've got to go sort some stuff out" I said to quickly. I walked away as fast as I could. Don't look back. Don't look back. I went into the kitchen. Isaac was in there setting up something or other.

"Hey Graceless. Last day today" he smiled down at me from his step ladder so he could reach the ceiling. "You ok?" His voice filled with concern.

"Yeah fine. Didn't get much sleep" i shrugged. I wasn't exactly lying.

Isaac frowned at me obviously not convinced. "Looks like more than that to me"

"It's fine really" I attempted a smile but I'm not sure if it even reached my lips. Jumping off the ladder Isaac pulled me into a hug.

"I care about you. You know that right?"

"I know" I replied still in his arms. I pulled away from the hug and gave him a small smile. Isaac always knew what to say.

"C'mon Graceless we have work to do" Isaac grinned and literally skipped out of the kitchen. I laughed and followed but walking normally.

We got the scenes done quickly. We were finished by 1 which was perfect. After having a quick lunch we started to pack everything up. All the cast had stayed to help too and Finn had come. Isaac put some music off his iPod on. Luckily we all knew the songs and we sang loudly and very out of tune to all of them. I'm actually quite a good singer. Not like i could be famous good but I could sing without getting noise complaints at least.

I was really going to miss this. I never wanted it to end. Yes I still had 3 weeks of editing ahead of me but I was so used to coming here and being with everyone all day every day. It had just become routine. But now I need to focus on making this footage into a film worth what everyone has put into it. Obviously I wouldn't be doing it alone. Dan, Sophie and Isaac are all helping but I felt as if this was my responsibility for some reason. I'm sure the others probably feel the same. Thinking about this I remembered this morning with Dan.

"Ow!" I shouted. "fuck that hurt!"I said jumping in one foot still with a box in my hands. Id walked straight into a light box. That's what I get for not paying attention.

"Well done" Finn laughed at me.

"Shut up Anderson" I referred to him using his last name.

"Woah calm down Parker" he continued to laugh.

"You walk into a light box and see how you feel"

"No thanks" I rolled my eyes at him jokingly. Idiot. I carried the box to the corridor where people were carrying them down to the van.

"Esme?" I turned around to see Dan. I'd barely spoken to him since this morning. I felt bad I didn't want to make anything awkward. "Um why did you push me off this morning?" I knew he'd ask but I still didn't know how to reply.

"Sorry I was just not really in the right mindset this morning"

"Your lying" he almost whispered. I didn't have anything to say to that. After it was clear I wasn't going to respond he continued "Im really confused. One day were practically acting like a couple and the next you can't even bare to be near me" he paused. "I really like you"

"You don't mean that"

"I do"

"You can't... I'm forever lost"

"No your not" he said strongly anger lining his beautiful voice.

"I am" I replied in the same tone he used.

"I found you" I looked from the floor into his eyes. Truth and tears filled them.

"You deserve better than me" I said so quietly I barely heard myself.

"Don't you ever think that. Ever. You deserve the world. You deserve to be loved and held. I know I don't know what you've been through and one day..maybe you'll trust me enough to tell me. But I promise whatever happens I'll be here. I'm not going anywhere. Your mum is wrong. You are not a disappointment and more than anything you are not a burden. And I love you. I love you more than anything. It scares me how much I love you. The way you curl up on a sofa when your watching movies, the way you stick your tiny tongue out when your concentrating, the way you put everyone first, the way you get overly excited by maltesers, the way you hug me, the way you kiss me. I love every inch of you and I don't ever want you to feel like you don't deserve something because you deserve everything. If anything you deserve more than me" a single tear escaped my eye. Hearing those words meant more to me than anything. Dan brushed the tear away with his hand. He had tears in his eyes to. Wrapping my arms tightly round his waist I leaned into him. He responded wrapping his arms round me pulling me into him further.

"I love you" I said and I meant it with every fibre in me. "Thankyou" the tears fell. Dan kissed my head lightly.

"I love you too" he whispered.

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Tbh I have no idea what just happened. I kind of just needed to get something out. Either way I hope you liked it.

I hope you have an amazing weekend

Later beautiful people

~E x