Backstage

Chapter 26

"Everyone who says hello

Will one day say goodbye

Sometimes without warning

Or giving a reason why"

My eyes fluttered open, I could hardly believe the reality I lived in. It had been three weeks since download now and it was safe to say I certainly wouldn't be returning there next year-or ever for that matter. It had been amazing until the final day. We were meant to come home and it just happened.

My mind was still fuzzy from waking up. Having just had a dream which would normal have made me cry of laughter but today it was just another thing. Me and Trevor Felton the actor I was obsessed with blew up Mars. Just like that, boom. As the mist swirled I began looking at download again for the millionth time in the three weeks post to the event.

The two festival days and nights where amazing! Okay I had sort of become a prostitute but that was sometimes what happened in life. I had then gone on to have a really sweet evening with my boyfriend swaying gently to Ed Sheeran. I hadn't been a big Ed fan but I had really got into it. Me and Acer had planned our life together and everything.

We would get married in three years, have two kids or so he hoped he knew nothing about by inability to conceive and it can stay that way. We would both have sort of average jobs well I hoped to be a teacher and he was hoping to be a fireman. Great. Nothing like a fireman, don't get me wrong I have nothing against firemen but there a bit you know too manly for me.

Sometimes I doubted if my heart was actually in the relationship with Acer, I sometimes feared that I was almost using him to get over Ashley although nights like Ed at download reminded me not. I think part of my problem was I was incredibly picky.

I like boys who where sweet and caring but not soppy! No soppy boys, no, no, no! I wanted a relationship built on laughter not on shitty love notes stuck on a heart magnet to the fridge- Eddie you have been warned. One more love note on that bloody fridge to Millie or mills or queen Millie boo your dead. I wanted a boy who was good looking preferably blonde or light brown but I had never dated one, not to tall, slim but muscly and good taste in fashion. I like boys who have a goal in life and buy me a condom on valentines day.

That brings be to the big factor. Sex. I have shagged numerous boys, 6 in total, but none have made sex good. I guess I was either really bad or it was over rated although Millie didn't seem to think it was. Maybe it was me. I wanted a boy who managed to get his dick up without looking awkward, they could even have my help if they wanted! I didn't want them to ejaculate to quick or to slow. That's quite a lot and for someone as ugly as me settling with Acer sounds grand.

Thinking about sex dragged my mind back to the matter in hand telling the others why I had been so upset, I had slept around Acer's but he had gone to work so I sat on his sofa and reflected. One minute we were talking the next he was on the floor. I knew it would come but not that soon. Only two months before he plucked up the courage to tell me and I knew besides family I was the only one who knew.

Liam was my best friend from day one at middle school. I loved him for it, when we sixteen we began dating and it was great for a year or two until we couldn't own up to both our flawed pasts. I still remember our break up, we knew it was coming it ended with both of us crying on a bench about how times changed. We had to let go of our past to step into the future and we couldn't do that still clutching the other.

We remained solid friends and I knew at download he still had feelings for me but I knew I couldn't go back. It would be like going back to the rough days of my past which I couldn't do. It was on the 4/08/14 he told me and I though it's fine we have awhile yet, how wrong could I be. The words spiralled my head.