Backstage

Chapter 10

I was adapting to my new life which seemed to consist of phoning costa and saying I was ill and laying in bed watching Harry Potter. I needed to get out of this flat at some point I thought as I averted my gaze out of the window which had a crap view of the road and Normandie tower- a rough block of flats across the busy road. Every room in the flat overlooked at least a bit of the river-except mine.

Tiptoeing past the living room where Esme had her mate Dan round I headed for the post collection area. Still in my pyjamas I got some funny looks as I stepped barefoot onto a lift. Checking the post I found the letter I had been hoping for along with a couple of others 2 for Esme, 1 for Millie and another one for me! It had the NHS logo on it- more problems I thought as I headed back to the lift.

As I went back up to flat 108, I contemplated what to do with this mail. If I kept it in my room it would look like I was hoarding it, if I left it in there rooms it would look like I was avoiding Dan. On the other hand if I went and put it in the living room Dan would see me and I still had yesterday's smudged make up on, I had no clue who he was but I hoped they got together I didn't want to risk him thinking she had crazy friends. I decided I would put it on Esme's bed but shout through to her that her post was on her bed. Millie was out doing stuff with her life so hers could wait.

I held onto the two letter is was actually dreading opening both, NHS wasn't as bad I guess so I decided to do that one first. I was always tense opening letters from the hospital. I had a lot of medical problems and issues, I had a good chance of getting Brest cancer as both my nan and mum had it so it was likely to be genetic. Genetically I could also have type two diabetes, it always pissed me off when people said diabetes type two was just for fat people- I probably had it right now I just hadn't bothered to have the tests. When I was 14 I was diagnosed with depression but which I didn't really lose until I was 17.

Some of my 'conditions' broke me. One in particular still shadowed me even to this day. I was 20 but the decision I made at 16 was going to be with me for the rest of my life. No one should have to make a decision like that at 16, when they gave me until Christmas before they took action I wanted to cry. I did cry virtually every night from June to January when the doctors finally let me chose. It was a massive decision and I still cry about it, I wish people could understand why but to them it was nothing.

Having been diagnosed with Amenorrhea I was pretty much given two options- undergo a lot of tests and take all the drugs they chose to throw at me or do nothing and accept I would never have a child. At 16 I chose the second option, it was a massive deal which I had thought about for 6 months. I had contemplated a sex change about half way through that as I didn't feel like I was a 'women' anymore. I guess I never will be. I tried to isolate myself from other girls as I wasn't like them. Even living here was hell, was I even human.

Flicking back to the letter I read the usual dull Ariel font. "We are referring you to have your test for Kidney cancer gene. It will require a blood test and a scan" well that's basically the 4 paragraphs compressed into one sentence. Why was my medical life so crap I wondered to myself. I brushed away the tears that had slipped out of my eyes as I thought about my amenorrhea.

Now for the next letter. "University of Cardiff " logo. I had not told the others about my plans but they would have to go with the flow really. I couldn't stay here watching cars and serving a gingerbread latte or whatever for the rest of my life. They had done things I mean Esme was obviously loving this film course and Millie was enjoying the equine life. I fumbled with the piece of paper,

"Dear Isobel Lynch,

Thank you for applying for a undergraduate course of 'Modern history and Human geography' with us, you application has been considered and we would like to inform you that on this occasion you have been short listed to attended a interview with us on the 19th of September 2014 at 2:15 in the conference centre- Cardiff university campus. If you are unable to attend please contact us and make us aware, changing may be possible. We ask could you please inform us if you intend coming to this interview.