Backstage

Chapter 40

I felt so bad about what I had done I just hoped Dan would come back for Christmas. Sitting in my room wrapping presents I began wondering when I was going to tell them about the baby. Also yesterday we had put a deposite down for the house in London everything was starting to feel real. I couldn't hide it much longer and I think belle had thought about it last night especially as I wasn't drinking. The whole time I had been waiting for the right time but I couldn't wait much longer and no doubt my parents and eddies parents will get baby stuff for Christmas.

The past month I had been imagining what they would say, I just didn't want to hurt them and make them feel as though I was leaving them. My other fear was that they would hate me and kick me out I don't think I could go through it without them, since the age of 12 they had kept me going.

On top of that there was the house to sort and a lorry to transport the horses in the new year. I had plenty of other people to tell as well and Eddie wanted to tell family and friends but I kept telling him to wait and it wasn't fair on him anymore either, but I wanted to tell them first they were my only hope.

For now I had plenty of things to do whilst I thought about it. My family were coming over and I needed to make sure all the things for teddy were ready as well as junior who was now going with him. In addition to that sugar had her Christmas presents and I was getting up early so she could go out in the field for a bit.

Down at the yard I wrapped th various grooming kits and extra tack for my cousins before going out for a quiet hack sugar had been such a star this year so while we move she is going to have a month of and I am thinking about asking esme if she wants to ride her a few days a week in the new year.

I had the afternoon free and Eddie was out with friends so I went to do some last minute Christmas shopping.

The town was busy and everyone rushed past in the hope of being prepared for Christmas day so in the end I decided enough was enough and went home.

At home I cooked a vegetable soup for esme and me with some warm bread. We sat at the table and spoke about the new year and Christmas but I felt so bad as Dan and esme had planned a Christmas together. To be perfectly honest it was my fault and although I probably shouldn't interfere I wanted to get them back together.

We spent the evening watching Christmas films until I fell asleep and esme had to wake me up. Both of us were tired so we decided to go to bed. I text belle goodnight and I hoped she was enjoying London then didn't wake until late the next morning.

It was ten and my parents would be arriving in an hour the flat hadn't been cleaned and I still needed to make up the bed for them. I ran around until the buzzer went downstairs and I had to quickly put the pillows back on the sofa before letting them in. They had bags of presents and my brother and his girlfriend were here too. That was another bed I needed to create I think Eddie and I will have to sleep on the sofa at this rate.

After unloading the car which was about to explode we went out for lunch and Eddie met us there. Esme came as well as she was like family and I couldn't bare her being alone all day.

Bella pasta was brilliant and we sat on a  long table near to the window where the icy river was flowing.

Afterwards they all wanted to go shopping but as I was tired I headed back joined with esme. As we walked back I began to waffle about  load of rubbish but I was trying to tell esme about the house we had brought. I didn't want it to seem as though I was leaving her so it took me the walk back to explain everything but she seemed okay with it and was even hinting that she had thought about moving too. It was only fair she found out first as Esme would be most effected by it, however I would tell belle when I next saw her which I think will be just after christmas.

When everyone got back to the flat we opened some champegne and my mum went to toast to me and Eddie but luckily I managed to stop her just in time. Shit that was close my heart was pounding that would not have been good I can't leave it much longer now else they will find out without me even telling them myself.

~ M

Thanks for reading we switched days however as I have been so busy and haven't uploaded for a few weeks I thought I would do it for Tuesday sorry E and B it will back to usual next week xx