The End Days (well, years)- a Good Omen Fanfic

The Holy Weapon

It was a rainy Sunday night in October 2026, and Crowley was sat on the sofa in one of the back rooms of the bookshop, reading a book on how to care for different plants. not that he needed it of course, he found his method of plant care was much more effective and would work on any type of plant, he was just bored. He was just on the page about the Lilium* family when the space beside him dipped just a little and he felt something small in stature lean against him, he knew immediately what it was, his daughter, who was dressed in her pink and blue pyjamas, ready for bed. He wrapped an arm around the small being instinctively*, as she settled into him, and looked over at his book, curious to see what he was doing.

"what are you reading daddy?"

"a book on plants"

"why? you just shout at them"

"doesn't mean I can't read it"

"oh"

there was a pause and a few moments of silence before the girl spoke again

"daddy?"

"what?"

"why don't you go to church with me and papa?"

Crowley was suprised to hear that question, and he didn't quite know how to answer it. Aziraphale was the one who answered her questions, not him.

"why don't you ask your pa about that?"

"but I'm asking you"

"he's better at answering questions"

"please?"

"okay, demons can't exactly go into churches because it hurts them to do so"

"oh" Delilah asked "what happens if you do go in?"

"I'll spontaneously combust" Crowley said momentarily forgetting that his daughter was five and couldn't appreciate morbid humor yet

"what does that mean?"

"instantly burst into flames"

Delilah pulled away from him, and Crowley was surprised at his daughter's sudden movement, he looked at her, she looked at him, and immediately burst into tears.

"don't cry! oh for somebody's sake! stop crying" Crowley said "that's not what happens, I don't actually know what happens if I'm in there too long, I'd probably just collapse unconscious and not wake up"

that made Delilah howl and cry harder.

"What's going on?" Crowley looked over to the door of the room where, Aziraphale was stood looking quite alarmed at the amount of tears coming out of the little girl.

"I just made a slight joke about spontaneous combustion and that upset her a little"

"Crowley, she's five" Aziraphale pointed out

"I momentarily forgot who I was talking to"

Aziraphale placed the books he was carrying down on a shelf and wandered over to the pair of them, crouching down to the crying five year old

"daddy- daddy said- said if he went into a church he'd die" she sobbed "I DON'T WANT DADDY TO DIE!"

"He didn't really mean it, Delilah, your dad was just being very very silly"

"but-but what if it's true?"

"It's not, what happens is that he just gets a feeling like he's walking on a beach that has really hot sand. it causes him to hop around like mad"