Stonehearts 6: Alexandrite

Twelve

I stood in front of him, stunned and motionless. I wanted to ask what does he mean by those words but saying something intelligent is somehow a luxury to me at the moment.

Siya ang hindi sumipot sa usapan, wala akong paliwanag na hiningi sa kanya kahit na gusto ko. I felt cheap, even though I kind of asked for it, that I wanted that night to happen. He made me feel free and I forgot that I am Lexy and that I have no one but myself back then. Pero nang hindi siya dumating sa usapan, napagtanto ko na baka nga talaga pagiging mag-isa ang natakda sa akin.

"Gio, please. Ano nanaman ba ito? Siguro, kung mga bata pa tayo pwedeng-pwede pa tayo maglaro ng kung ano man ito. Pero may anak na ako, ayokong masaktan siya dahil kapag bigla mong naisipang hindi na magpakita." I heard my voice cracked at the end of my sentence. Tears started to sting my eyes but I chose to stand my ground. Kailangan kong maging malakas, hindi para sa akin kundi para sa anak ko.

"I wish you'd ask me why I didn't make it seven pm that night." He rather said. Completely shifting the conversation.

I was tempted to be honest. Gustong-gusto ko rin malaman kung bakit. But it's too late now, wala naman nang mangyayari kung malalaman ko pa.

"But it wouldn't change a thing. You still met someone after me and obviously it bore you a kid. When I saw Clyde's picture on your desk, I wanted him to be mine. I wanted you tell me that he is mine. Because I cannot fathom to imagine someone having you instead of me, pero kasalanan ko. Kung nakaabot ako, hindi nangyari 'to. But again, I wouldn't change a thing. Clyde is a wonderful kid, not too hard to love, not too hard please. Just like you. When I learned that you're raising him alone, I realized that I wasn't too late afterall. Kaya kung hindi mo ako bibigyan ng pag-asa dahil sa isang gabi na pagkakamali, I thought that by going after your son, I can prove myself to you."

He stopped talking and took a few steps towards me, enclosing the little space we have. His arms snaked around my waist before the other cupped my cheek.

"Prove what, Gio?" I asked, looking everywhere just so I can avert his melting gaze. I'm too vulnerable at this moment and I know with just one look at his gleaming eyes, I would fall on my knees and be at his mercy.

"Lexy, I understand your need to protect your son and I will respect that. But I will give you time to tell him that I won't be going away, to explain to him that eventually you and I will happen. Na hindi na nalalayo ang pangarap niyang magka-Taytay."

Nanigas ako sa mga sinabi niya. 'Yong kabog ng dibdib ko hindi na mapatahan. I slowly diverted my gaze back at him and saw an inkling of menace in his eyes.

"Goodbye for now, mommy. But I will be back soon." He pressed a long, chaste kiss on my forehead before he took his jacket from the chair and left my apartment.

I was dazed in the Gio-state-of-mind that he put me in that I just stood there for I don't know how long. After that, I did all my chores on autopilot.

Buti na lang nagtuloy-tuloy na ang tulog ni Clyde simula nang iniwan kami ni Gio. Kasi hindi pa ko nakakaisip ng idadahilan sa kanya kapag hinanap niya ang lalakeng 'yon sa akin.

Hindi na rin ako nakakain ng hapunan dahil sobrang napagod ang isip ko. I feel so drained thinking about what Gio had said. All my questions started to hit me now that he's gone. Oh how I wished I had the courage to ask them.

When my alarm went off the following morning, I still felt groggy and unrested. Parang hindi kasi nagpahinga ang utak ko kakaisip. Pero kahit ganoon, pinilit kong tumayo para maghanda ng makakain ni Clyde bago ko siya iwan sa kapit-bahay. Sabado kasi ngayon at nagkataon na may pasok ako. Kapag mga ganitong araw, iniiwan ko siya buong araw kila Mina, ang stay-at-home Mom na nasa tabing unit namin.