Cold

Chapter 30

Charles tries to comfort me but I only push him away. "Are you happy?! I lost the best thing that every happened to me!"

"Love can do that to a person. You both were bound to see it sooner than later."

I blink at his words. Love? What? "What are you talking about?!"

He chuckles darkly as Lorenzo makes his way towards us. Gun gone; probably in his jacket pocket. "I could see it from a mile away dear."

I blink again as I try to put his words together. "B-B-But I don't love him."

He laughs again as he wraps an arm around me. "Yes, you do. I've never seen someone cry so much over another person. The only reason for that has to be because of love. I saw the doubt and the regret all over your face. And when he said how he wanted to be more to you," He laughs again as he pulls away from me; shaking his head. "It was clear that he loves you too...well loved at least."

"You're twisted." Is all I'm able to say as all I want to do is cry.

He laughs against at my answer and begins to walk backwards. "I know I am but so. Are. You." Without another word he and Lorenzo are in the gym. The big door slamming behind them as I yell loudly and punch the wall beside me.

I can't believe he played me! He mind f*cked me again! He clearly saw something that I didn't even see! How dare he do that to me! He has no right to destroy everything good in my life!

But he does. After all, you did go back to Gavin when Charles told you not to all those years ago.

Ignoring my mind, I chug my bag over my shoulder and head into the gym. Directing myself towards my sleeping spot, I try to ignore my friends who will obviously see the puffiness on my face. I did cry my heart out.

"Hey Sam!" Peter says a bit too happy for my taste.

"Hey." I don't sound happy. I sound dead. Which I am. I'm dead on the inside. Everything is numb.

"The group and I were about to go to the library to play a board game. You want to come?" Veronika asks me in a calm and quiet voice as she could already see my uneasiness.

"Why? Adamo too busy to be with you?" I know my comment was unnecessary and rude but I stopped caring.

Gavin is gone and Charles basically told me that I'm in love with him. If Charles is true, that means that I just lost the best thing that ever happened to me. But we both already knew that I lost Gavin the second I said no to being with him.

"What?!" Veronika asks as she looks at me with a shocked expression.

"Woh! Calm your roll there Sam." Joey says as all I can do is scoff at him.

"You don't know what you're talking about." Veronika tries to reason with me but I bite back. Hard.

"Oh. So, they don't know either? Well! Here's what you need to know!" I face my group of friends as my anger starts to boil. "My lovely whore of a cousin as been going behind my back f*cking Adamo without telling me."

Just as Veronika was about to object to what I'm saying I raise my finger at her. "Don't you say that it's not true because last night I saw and heard everything. I don't think I'll ever be wanting to go back to that library ever again. Let alone the couch in the back of the room."

"Sam..." Is all she's able to say as my friends sit there dumbfounded.

"No! Don't Sam me! You didn't tell me that you were seeing him again and you want to know what hurts the most! That it's been happening for a while! I don't know how long but MAN I sure do feel like an idiot for always saying sorry about bringing him up! Because it's clear as DAY that you would rather tell him the truth about everything than your own blood."

Before she could say anything, I continue. "And you want to know what the bigger bullshit about it all?! It's the fact that Gavin walked in saying how sorry he was about doing all those things to me. That he wanted to think about it all." Sighing, I run my hand over my face. "It doesn't matter though. I'm done with all this bullshit. So, if you guys need me...I'll be somewhere in the school."

I decide against telling them where I'll actually be because it would only cause me to get angrier at myself for even going back there.

***

I rest my head on the blue wall of the stair case.

It's funny how I always find my way back here. This is the place where everything started and yet here, I am watching it all finish...I really hope this isn't the end of me and Gavin.

I hope what Charles said is true. That I do love him. I just want to know what it means to tell someone that you love them. I would tell Gavin in a heartbeat but not right now.

Everything is so messed up that I just need to think about everything.

My mind drifts back to what happened today when I told Gavin that I couldn't be with him. I've never cried so much in my entire life.

The last time I cried that hard about him was when I told Gavin to leave me alone. To never speak to me again.

A couple of tears run down my cheeks as I let them stay on my face.

There's no need to act strong if no one is watching.

That's the thing about me. I always need to put up an act.

Everyone sees me as the strong girl.

The jock who plays all the sports and who wins most of her awards. The tough girl with no shame.

But once I'm out of that so called spot light, I'm a broken girl who wants to escape the world surrounding her.

The only reason why I actually do play sports is to help with my anger. It contains me and make me point my anger and strength towards others and not myself.

Looking down at the insides of my forearms, I see the scars that are left there. I went through a really dark time after Gavin and I ended things.

My mind got so consumed with the fact that I was never good enough for anyone, that I should just stop being someone.

I remember that night vividly. It's what haunts my dreams. Making me wake up in a panic or of tears.