Voices // Namjoon x BTS

24

-not edited-

Namjoon rested his head on the car's window as he watched the world pass by him, earphones plugged in his ears.

Namjoon did not want to leave but he did not want to go against what his parents thought was right for him, after all parents know you better than you know yourself, right?

He was worried about the members, they all looked like they had just experienced a hurricane. Their clothes not matching, hair unwashed, dark circles were evident and they all looked too pale. Even if he had lashed out on them, he still cared and still nothing more than to stay with them. Will they be okay? He still believed that they did not care but the days at the hospital suggested otherwise. Like he had heard before, actions speak louder than words, but is it true. They are not pretending, right?

Nonetheless he hoped that they would be okay.

Only for few days, he reassured himself. I will be back with them after a few days.

~.~.~.~

The past days had been like hell to him. He never felt this alone in his entire life.

It had been six days and he could feel himself going crazy. He thinks he had never cried as much as he had in the past few days, and that was a lot coming from him.

He was practically alone at home for the whole day until his mother comes back at six. The first one two days his mother had been off from work and had insisted to take off for a few more days if it was not for Namjoon who had persuaded her that he would be just fine alone as it was only for few hours. He did not want to be a nuisance in their lives, disrupting their daily schedules.

His father worked in a office, getting a leave for a few more days was close to impossible. After a two days he had to go back to work, seeing that he had already taken a leave to go on holiday with his family and was due to come back to work or else he would lose his job and Namjoon did not want that to happen.

It was the same case for Geong Min. Her school had just started after a day of coming back. She could not take more than two days off in a row due to strict rules of her school.

That left Namjoon all alone with his thoughts, with voices. He was going crazy with the need to hurt himself and not finding anything sharp. The doctor had warned his parents that he was still at risk of attempting suicide so they hid everything that he could hurt himself with, locked them away. He wanted to bang his head against the wall until he was a bloody mess and died from blood loss.

He could not breathe.

He was surprised he had not ran out of tears yet. He found himself crying every second he was alone. Everything hurt. Despite everybody knowing he was struggling, he was amazed how they still fell for his act.

Had he become that expert at acting in these past years that even his family can not see pass the mask even though they knew everything.

He let out a painful mocking chuckle. He could be a fucking actor but too bad he was too ugly to be one. He shook his head and wiped the tears with the back of his hand.

Somehow, this house no longer felt like home to him anymore. It felt foreign. Not like his home where he spent all his childhood, he felt like it was a place where he was only staying for a while.

He had left his home back in Seoul. Home does not feel cold or empty, which is what this felt like. It only felt warm and comfortable at night when his family was there, only at night.

After years of staying with the members, his home became a place with them. Any place in the world would be a home to him if his members were beside him, if his brothers were by his side.