special -joshler-

-two-

tyler
//TW: self harm, suicidal thoughts, religion, depression and anxiety\\

josh went to the bathroom to get changed so i could too. we had a walk in closet that was just big enough that i could go in if i needed to.

when i came out in my pyjamas josh was on his bed with a box.

"what's that?" i asked, walking over to the dark haired boy.

josh looked up, "oh, nothing," he said, tucking under his bed.

"mkay," i went over to my bed, josh obviously didn't want to talk about it.

i got into bed, it was 9:15.

i took my copy of picture of dorian gray from my bed side table and started to read. reading before bed always made sleeping easier for me.

josh read as well. madam norman doesn't allow phones past 9:30 but we were aloud to have them in our rooms. we kept them in a drawer of our dresser and madam norman checked the draws every morning to see if they had been opened. i don't know how she sees if we opened the draw but maybe she's a witch.

||-//

breakfast was simple. bacon and eggs with sausages and baked beans. i had a cup of tea and josh had a coffee. there were a few other boys here. josh had introduced me to most of them.

a few of them were nice, like ryan ross, dallon weekes, patrick stump, andy hurley, and mikey way.

the rest were either mean or really awkward. frank iero, gerard way, pete wentz, and brendon urie were kinda mean at times. joe trohman and ray toro were more awkward and anti social. i understood though, it would be hard being here.

after breakfast, josh and i went back to our room. josh went to the bathroom to get changed and i went into the closet.

in the closet, there were boxes. madam norman probably kept storage in the back of our closets. i saw one of the boxes were slightly open. through the sliver of light coming into the closet i could see a shimmer from something in the box.

i opened the box fully and saw a razor. my breath got caught in my throat and my knees buckled.

stop.

i was pleading myself to stop reaching for the razor.

you deserve this. you're a pathetic little shit and should plunge it into your heart already.

i was crying now.

"tyler?" josh's worried voice came through the closet door, "are you okay?"

i wipped my eyes and sniffled, "yeah, i'm fine."

i slipped on my hoodie before opening the door to see josh with a panicked expression. he was so beautiful.

his red hair flopped over one side of his face, his nose ring glimmered in the light and
his mocha brown eyes stared worriedly into my eyes.

"tyler?" josh's voice pulled me out of my daydreams. "you're alright?"

"yeah, sorry i'm fine."

"all cool," he half smiled at me, "can i walk you to class?"

i smiled, "yeah, i have no idea how to get around here i'll need someone to show me."

we walked in silence for a bit. everyone had the same timetable since there wasn't a lot of us.

we all bunched together in groups. the meaner kids, weird kids, neutral kids, losers, yknow. there was only a few people in each group and most people were in more than one group.

classes were really boring. we had bible study everyday for an hour. i just hated bible study. we went over so many things that made me feel even more like a useless little shit. josh could see this and whenever he could, he would smile at me.

english wasn't bad because we studied old books. we had a teacher called mr armstrong. he wasn't as old as madam norman and was actually pretty cool.

when madam norman came by though he had to pretend to be really serious. when she walked along though he would tell us a joke about her.

i liked mr armstrong, he looked like he could burst out in song at anymore moment. josh told me he could play guitar and sing but no one hears him sing because madam norman told him to stop or he'd be fired.

josh said he played punk rock music and that made me like him even more.

at the end of english mr armstrong called on me up to talk to him.

"hi mr armstrong," i said timidly as i walked up from the back of the class.

"hey tyler, i just wanted to quickly talk to you," i nodded. "i know you're knew and madam norman obviously went over the rules to you but i just wanted to remind you to be very careful."

"what do you mean?"

he chuckled, "don't pretend i can't tell who you are."

i panicked, "what do you mean?"

"oh no, don't worry it's nothing bad," he quickly reassured me. "i can tell because i am that certain thing as well.

"what's that?"

"tyler," he leaned closer to whisper in my ear. "i can tell you like josh."

my throat closed over. i felt like i was gonna be sick. "w-what do you mean?"

"hey, buddy, it's okay," he looked at me in the eye, "don't tell madam norman, but i'm bisexual."

i stood wide eyed. "i- i um."

we sat in silence for a bit.

"well, i won't tell her that you're bi if you don't mention me maybe liking josh."

"it's a deal," he held out his hand.

i shook his hand firmly.

"thank you mr armstrong, i'll see you tomorrow!"

"bye tyler!"