special -joshler-

-four-

tyler
//TW: anxiety, depression, mentions of a fight, religion\\

josh liked my song.

josh freaking dun liked the song i wrote.

i was beside myself in joy.

we sat and talked for a bit. josh said he could make a sick drum beat for that song. i wanted to see josh play the drums so i agreed.

"the thing is," josh frowned, "madam norman doesn't allow the drums in school, she says drums are instruments from the devil. she only likes soft piano and classical music. you should probably hide your ukulele from her, it's hard for me to hide a drum set."

i laughed at his last comment but went and put my uke back in my suitcase. "good thing i can play piano." i said.

josh laughed at that, "yeah, she'll love that."

the bell went. "what do we have next?"

josh looked at our schedule, "umm... math with mr hoppus."

"what's he like?"

"just like mr armstrong, he's just gotta hide that from madam norman."

we walked to class together and sat together.

our math classroom had joined tables with two people sitting at one table. this meant josh could hold my hand if i got nervous.

i doubt he would but i gotta have some hope yknow.

mr hoppus was cool. i could tell he played guitar because of the calluses on his finger tips. also, he had a guitar badge in his suit collar and guitar cuff links.

i managed to avoid all questions throughout class and before i knew it josh and i were walking out of class.

||-//

it was now 4:00pm and josh and i were doing our homework. we only had three classes a day and only four teachers that taught a few subjects each.

i've only met three of our teachers but aparenty our other teacher was younger than the rest of our teachers and madam norman was still warming up to her.

her name was ms ballato but according to josh, when madam norman wasn't around people just called her by her first name, lindsey.

also, josh said she played bass and was really chill and one time last year she set up a music group which everyone was really interested in, but madam norman shut it down.

we talked for a while and read books and before you could say 'we don't believe what's on tv' dinner was ready.

during dinner something was off, i could tell someone was upset. i looked down the table at the boys. josh could tell i was worried and after swallowing his chicken he spoke, "tyler are you alright?"

"something's wrong."

"what do you mean?"

"i can feel someone's upset."

"how did you do that and how do you teach me."

i chuckled, "no, yknow when this morning when you asked me if i was alright?"

"yeah."

"it's just that sense that someone isn't okay, yknow?"

"yeah i get it."

we nodded and i could tell he was looking at his friends and studying their expressions.

i put my knife down to have a drink of water when my knife fell off the table. "oh, sorry i'll just pick that up."

i went under the table and to my surprise, i saw two peoples hands gripped under the table. i chuckled and came up to see who they were.

i was stunned when it was frank iero and gerard way.

i made eye contact with gerard and he blushed and put a finger to his mouth to indicate for me to keep it quiet. i nodded in understanding and he smiled at me. i saw him whisper something at frank who looked at me and mouthed 'thank you'.

i nodded and pointed to josh, trying to ask if i could tell him. gerard and frank whispered for a bit before frank turned around and nodded.

"josh," i elbowed him in the ribs.

"okay, ouch, and what the hell?"

"sorry," i said quietly, "but dude, gerard and frank are holding hands."

josh smiled, "i knew it," he turned to look at them. "do they know you know?"

"yeah, we kinda talked without talking."

"mkay," he looked over at them. they looked back. he smiled at them and mouthed to frank 'good job'. frank smiled and mouthed back 'thanks'.

"yknow, frank used to be my best friend," josh said to me.

"is he not anymore?"

"we haven't been talking as much as we did a few years ago."

"why's that?"

"oh, um."

"c'mon josh, you can talk to me."

"we kinda liked each other at one point. i- um." josh said reluctantly.

oh my god. josh was gay. or at least bi. i was trying to contain my excitement.

"yeah? what happened between you too."

josh seemed shocked that i hadn't reacted negatively. "well, um, we were together for about a month and yknow, kissing, when he said we shouldn't be doing this and i kinda got mad. that was when my anxiety and depression was at its highest and i kinda scared him. i yelled at him and almost hit him. we haven't really talked since then but last year i told him to get a boyfriend or girlfriend. i said i need to see him happy with someone. we've been on good terms since then have been texting a bit over the break. i really wanna be his friend again."

i nodded, "well, why don't you talk to him about how you're feeling about your friendship and how you're happy about him and gerard?"

josh smiled at me, "yeah, thanks tyler."