Romanogers - Oneshots

I loved her

"I loved her."
Bruce turns to look at Steve, who is sitting facing the lake, his chin resting on steepled hands. At first Bruce looks surprised, shocked even, but this quickly morphs into an expression of sympathy.
"I know. We all know."
"She didn't."
Bruce sighs. "Yes. She did."
"No, she didn't, and if you think she did you didn't know her at all."
Bruce looks down at the ground, a darkness filling his eyes.
"She never knew how much, how many people care about her. We were her family, but she knew, she thought she knew, that she wasn't part of ours. We all had our own lives outside of S.H.I.E.L.D. Clint. Tony. Thor. Even I had Bucky. She had no-one except us, and she didn't even think she mattered that much to us. A valuable member of the team. Trust me, Bruce, that's all she thought she was to me. A good friend. Part of the team."
There's silence after. Steve puts his head in his hands, pushing against his eyes as if to stop them seeing, to staunch the flow of memories that won't stop coming.
He imagines her over and over, pushing of the side of the cliff at Vormir, her body hurtling down through the air for a few seconds before landing with a crack on the stone below. Her head is turned to the side, neck broken, icy eyes unseeing, empty.
He wasn't there, of course. Clint only told them vague details. That doesn't stop his mind from conjuring wave after wave of torture, her every smile and laugh playing in the background next to her still body.
"See you in a minute." Steve whispers.
"What?" Bruce lifts his head from leaning against the post.
"That's, uh, what she told me, before we went." Steve's voice is unpleasant and unnatural, nails on a chalkboard. "She told me she'd see me in a minute." He drops his head between his knees and starts to sob. Not loudly. He doesn't howl or scream. But his whimpers are full of despair, of grief, of broken hearts.
Tears trickle down Bruce's face. He throws a bench, not because it makes him feel any better, but it's there. The splash echoes over the lake.
"You know, she was always talking about you. 'Steve says' this and 'Steve would' or 'Steve wouldn't'. You were her best friend, next to Clint. She looked up to you, she learned from you. You made her a better person. And she respected you for it. Loved you for it. She did love you. She was in love with you for years."
Steve stands up and turns to look at Bruce, his face tortured.
"Do you know how much worse that just made me feel? I loved her. Love her. And you just told me she loved me too. We both know she didn't know. She died thinking I only saw her as a colleague. She died, her feelings unreciprocated. All that wasted time." He shakes his head. "Yeah, thank you, for that Bruce. I didn't think it was possible for me to feel worse."

So yeah. I don't really like this, but here we are. Bit depressing.