Bitter-Sweet

Chapter 11: Anxiety

Cyrus

Cyrus POV:

Although we talked things out, there was a constant knot that I could feel in my heart, I was so so scared for him. The fact he feels like he needs to do this to himself breaks me, he's such a good person really but even he can't see that. It just makes me...sad. The next day was definitely not something I was looking forward to. P.E first thing isn't the most desirable thing in the world, especially for someone as unathletic as me with a horrible teacher who picks on me because I'm that unfit kid who can't exercise without dying every five seconds. And this morning, this morning was worse. I put my bags down in the corner of the changing rooms where I get changed alone since Andi and Buffy get changed in the girls changing room. Even Marty still has to get changed in there just because he was born in a girl's body. Buffy was so mad about it that she vandalised the sign on the doors so now it's says 'Boys' body changing room' and 'Girls' body changing room' which made him feel slightly better, even though he can be very dysphoric and plans to have surgery to properly transition. I mean I kinda get why we have different changing rooms but at the same time...I'm gay so I wouldn't be looking at the girls now would I? Not that I look at any boys in here anyway, one that's creepy and two there's hardly any time when the teachers are screaming at you to hurry up. It was then I heard the most dreaded thing that I was praying not to hear. Since it was nearing the end of the year and summer was approaching, we only have a couple of lessons left. This means that they usually hold a lesson where the entire year play one sport together in the sports hall. Today was that day.

(Wrote this before I knew anything about being trans so it would be wrong to say 'boy' or 'girls' body because it's more that they were assigned female/male at birth so I just wanted to add this in quickly also I would not do this for someone but I think the thought process had the right intention)

'EVERYONE IN THE SPORTS HALL!' My teacher screeched, weirdly staying in the changing rooms. That's also something I don't understand, why do teachers stay in the changing rooms just because they're the same gender? They could be gay! Not everyone is straight! It's so creepy. After changing into my blue Jefferson P.E top and navy knee length sports shorts, I made my way to the sports hall, trying to weave between the swarm of my entire year group. Because they're stupid, they gender P.E too, so I'm all alone in that, I can't even be with anyone for P.E. TJ didn't appear to be here and was in the highest group for P.E, Jonah gets changed with his sports buddies and is obviously in a higher group than me. I'm with the noobs of course. Since we were all together though, I went to sit where he was in the hall. It was then I recognised the positioning of the benches in the hall, they were opposite each other from a distance, there was 5 down the left of the hall and 5 down the right. Oh no.

'Hey Cyguy!' Jonah smiled, moving up so I could sit next to him.

'Hi.' I responded quickly before pointing to the benches, 'Please tell me we're not playing what I think we're playing.'

Patting my back he shook his head, 'Cyrus, it's going to be fine.'

I started to panic, 'We are! We're playing bench ball aren't we?!' I buried my head in my hands.

He laughed a little, 'You're not too bad...'

I lifted my head, 'Jonah, you've seen me play, please don't lie to me. I'm so bad at it that I was aiming to hit the bench when I first played because I thought that was the objective.'

Jonah shrugged, 'Maybe you just need some practice.'

He really is dumb, 'What I need is to get out of this game!' I complained, Anxiety already eating at mr stomach as I just thought of all the horrible things that were to come. Just then, my P.E teacher entered the room.