Bitter-Sweet

Chapter 25: I dont want to know

Didn't have a picture that would fit with this chapter so here's TJ stroking the back of Cyrus' hand in the bench scene, this is canon shit my dudes.

So I thought I would just say although things are about to get a lot better for TJ, they're also going to get a lot worse. For him to be happy, he needs to work some things out and that going to be really hard on him so the next few chapters might be a bit depressing. Just a warning.

TJ POV:

My pulse was quickening. I could feel it throbbing in my head and echoing in my ears. I couldn't tell what was real and what wasn't, all I knew was that I was exhausted. Something was touching me, all over, I didn't know what but I knew it was stressing me out. I kicked about, wanting to get it off me but I couldn't, I kicked harder, rolling about uncontrollably. There was a faint buzzing that I couldn't understand, almost like sometime was talking to me. Fear was clutching to me, suffocating me just like...oh fuck. I became even more frustrated and confused, my body moving uncontrollably as I could feel I was shaking all over. All my memories were hitting me at once whilst I could feel myself becoming unhinged.
As time went on, the throbbing was replaced with an unbearable ache and the echo was no longer from my heart beat but from the buzzing that was now louder. My senses began to kick back in as I felt tears rolling down my face and the duvet being kicked about by my legs. The buzzing soon became a long beep which eventually started to clear so I could make out the faint words of someone who was apparently there, 'TJ? TJ?' they called as I couldn't stop myself from rything. My body stopped as I finally woke up, sitting bolt upright, gasping for air. Sweat dripped from my hair as I just couldn't breath, my head hurt so bad I felt as if it were being clamped. Holding my chest, I heaved in and out as I had wide eyes. Cyrus was sitting opposite from me, looking very concerned and scared, 'TJ? A-are you o-ok?'

I was trying to find the right words to say but right now I couldn't even think straight. Everything was blurry and I felt extremely light headed, even if I did have something to say, I don't think I could speak. I tried to focus on breathing but I felt something in my throat and immediately sprinted to the bathroom. My legs were shaky and they ached like hell but I managed to make it before I threw up all over CeCe's clean house. I couldn't really see that well and I just really wasn't with it, something was very wrong. After I was sure I wasn't going to be sick again, I went back to my room where Cyrus was waiting anxiously for me, 'Sorry,' I managed to whisper in a raspy voice, my throat burned when I spoke and I regretted it.

Cyrus gave me a weak smile, 'You don't have to be sorry...are you ok?'

I sat beside him, leaning against the wall, I shook my head, 'I...d-don't know w-what h...happened,' I replied, the taste of sick still present and my throat still unbearable.

I laid down in his lap as he stroked my ungelled hair soothingly, 'You're ok, I'm here,'

There was a comfortable silence whilst I had no desire to go to sleep at all, not after what just happened...I don't even know what it was. My head still hurt like hell and I felt so weak, so incredibly vulnerable, possibly more than I ever have in my life. Then, out of no where Cyrus asked, 'Do you remember what you dreamed about?'

I shook my head, cuddling closer to him, 'It's a b-blur...' then I remembered something, wincing, I felt fresh tears fall onto Cyrus' clothes.

He continued to stroke my hair as I silently cried onto him, 'TJ...I think you have to-'

'No,' I replied harshly, causing my throat to burn as I flinched in pain.

He sighed, 'TJ, come on, be honest with me,'

I carefully sat up to face him, 'I don't, I swear,'
Cyrus looked at me in desperation as I shook my head, 'it was just a bad dream,'

'You don't know that,' he mumbled.