Damnit Mr.Fischbach

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First of all I'm REALLY sorry for being gone for two days! I had only planned on one but we got some bad news today. Anyway I'd like to thank CookedPotato99 for being awesome and supportive! And thanks to I_have_no_Lifee , High_on_Mark , & mjbwriter for voting on my stuff. Just thanks to everyone a lot.😊 anyway please enjoy this chapter!❤️❤️❤️

Jacks POV

I wake up the next day feeling pretty good. I roll over and feel sharp pain all over and remember the fight from yesterday. I sigh and get out of bed.

I shower, brush my teeth, do my hair, and get dressed in sweats and a comfortable tee. Since it's the weekend instead of packing a lunch I make myself an actual breakfast. My parents aren't home so I walk to the living room and watch some TV. It's a lazy morning which is exactly what I needed.

As I'm watching Psych my mind starts to wander. I think about yesterday and Mark. I feel terrible thinking about the things I've done. I feel like I'm going to throw up. My mind races. I'm only 17 & 1/2 and I'm sleeping with my fucking social studies teacher! I'm being bullied pretty much everyday at my new school. My parents don't care about me at all! What's the fucking point?! It's not like I have friends. The only one on earth who might care about me is mark...no Mark doesn't love you! I start to tell myself how Mark is just using me. He just wants to have sex with you dumbass. You thought someone actually cared about your wellbeing? That's laughable. You're ugly, unloved, worthless, stupid, annoying, mentally disturbed, and much much more. I pause the TV show and walk to my kitchen. I slump down against the fridge. I start to shake and weep quietly. Why am I crying? I was so happy just seconds ago. Or was I happy? Have I ever been happy? Ever?

I feel waves of depression and anxiety threatening to capsize my pathetic boat of fake happiness. The surface of doubt cracks open revealing a mess of self hatred. I can feel myself crumbling.

I don't feel it but I stand up and walk to the knife block. When I snap out of it I have a large butcher knife in hand. I drop it and run hearing the clang of the blade on the hard kitchen floor.

What's happening to me? My heart aches in my chest and all I wanna do is claw it out. I hide under the soft sheets of my bed. I stay there the rest of the day thinking and trying to sleep to avoid the thinking. This agony is pummeling me to the core of the earth.

I can't take it I really don't think I can. If I was just gone nothing would ever disappoint me again. I would be free from emotion.

I want to kill myself.

I don't know what to do. I just can't make it go away. I think about that. Make it go away? I rush downstairs and rummage through the cabinets and find my parents liquor stash. I grab all of the strongest looking drinks and carry them back up to my room.

One at a time the liquor disappears down my throat burning. I start to feel dizzy and wobbly. I feel good I think. Actually I don't feel anything. I love it! I drink most of the liquor I carried upstairs.

I take some whisky with me and end up in the downtown area and the sun is already set. I stumble into an alleyway and take another swig. I look to my left at the way I entered the ally. I here some laughs. It sounds like a man and a woman. They walk past me and I see Mark with a woman I've never seen before. I can't speak so I just watch them walk past.

Mark catches my glance and a worried look makes its way into his expression. He keeps walking though. He doesn't look back. I down the rest of the whisky, smash the bottle, and run home without looking back.

I get in bed and spoon a bottle of Jack Daniels. I'm not ok.

20 mins later

I've just finished my moms aged bourbon. I feel nauseous but I love it. I run to the bathroom and park myself in front of her toilet with my head in the bowl. I puke up what feels like every meal I've ever eaten. I just keep going. Even when nothin is left in my stomach I keep dry heaving. This hurts like crazy but I love it in a weird way. I've dry heaved for the twelfth time and I pass out next to the toilet.

I'm so sorry for the late update and for the crappy story! Again thanks CookedPotato99  for being awesome and supportive! And thanks to I_have_no_Lifee , High_on_Mark , & mjbwriter  for voting on my stuff.
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