She Felt Like Home

Remind Me Why

I've re read the messages

So many times

I could recite them

Like poetry,

So in a way I will...

Whenever I need a painful reminder

To withhold a smile

Spare myself a glance

Or refuse to give away yet another chance

I read those lines 

And I feel the reality of what was us

And what should never exist again

I relive bruising brusque responses

That had me scrambling to apologize

For your mistakes

Within a minefield of mind games you set up

Just for me,

And the number of times you set them off

Has left me doubting everyones intentions these days

I skim the carefully crafted insults

Hiding behind your "good intentions"

That left me feeling inadequate 

And made me desperate to meet your

Impossible

Unrealistic

Insulting

Expectations that should have been left

In that bitter head of yours

I was worshipping

As it tore me down

To rebuild a preferred version

I need these reminders

But I wish I didn't

Because it hurts to see how blinded I was,

And it hurts more that someone I loved

Took advantage of me

And I let it happen for over two years

I don't cry anymore

I just mourn for my past self

And the better things I could've done with my time

Had I not been your personal puppet show

So I'll read those messages

Until they no longer hurt

And I can accept what was and what is

In order to move on