They say,
Love yourself
She can't
Her nights are often about counting her flaws on her fingers.
And eventually, realising how she has only ten to count a list of ten thousand on.
They say,
Speak what you want to say
She can't
Yes, she talks a lot,
But it's always about
The boy who lived
or about
The boy with luv
or about
The boys over flowers
But, she never tells you about
The girl who breathes but cannot live
or about
The girl with unrequited love
or about
The girl rolling over garden weeds.
They say,
Believe in yourself
SHE CAN'T
She knows herself to mess things up in unimaginable ways.
So,
She keeps telling herself that she doesn't deserve this
and that she doesn't deserve that.
She covers up after her dreamy look by saying
she was thinking about the Magical world with the Magic shop.
Trust me,
She was not.
She was lost but,
you'll never know where and just how far she was gone.
She couldn't find herself now.
Her conscience does want her to
Love herself
to
Speak herself
And to
Believe in herself
But her body betrays the wish of her soul
Her mind tells her she isn't worth it.
How can she love herself when she isn't worth it?
Her mind tells her to shut up before she says what she so desperately wants to say.
Because, it's going to sound stupid.
So she shuts up in an attempt to not look stupid.
So how can she speak herself?
Her heartbeat goes crazy when she asks it to keep faith in her.
So how can she believe in herself?
Thus, she tells them
Each time
That she cannot
Love
Speak
And believe
Herself.
See, don't get her wrong.
She doesn't WANT this
It's just that she thinks she DESERVES it.
And she has tried to think differently but the voice inside her head tells her that her thoughts are selfish.
She feels guilty and sad.
She goes for walks.
While walking,
The noise of her melancholy inside her head turns so loud that she cannot hear the happiness around her.
As she walks
There are birds chirping,
There are children frolicking,
There is music playing.
But, for her - as she walks
She can only hear her head screaming
selfish
Selfish
SELFISH
SELFISH.
So in an attempt to not be selfish
She hates herself,
She never gives speech to her thoughts,
She never believes herself.
And each day just like this,
She kills herself.
