I decide something and then doubt my decisions
Wondering what could've happened
If I had chosen the else.
Just wonder sometimes
and sometimes I regret.
My T-shirt says:
Eat
Sleep
K-pop
Repeat.
But I actually,
Eat
Think,
Sleep
Panic,
K-pop
Think a little more,
Repeat.
The thinking and thinking more part gives me anxiety.
Like,
WHat if I am going to miss out on my only opportunity to succeed in life If I make this decision right now?
Or like,
WHAt if I am actually making myself look like a dumb idiot because of this decision?
Or like,
WHAT if what I just decided after doing too many calculations in my head is actually very wrong?
Or like,
the likes of this.
See, I really hate being wrong and making mistakes.
Ironically then, I also wonder,
Why does life taste of regret?
The regret is like a sharp dagger piercing its way through the already depressed edges of my heart.
(This is not a pun. Or is it?)
The pain hits me like a train,
It hurts,
It is hurting,
I am breaking,
I am broken.
That does not mean I was whole before.
But, how should I have told you that you were
Pouring the tea in cracked China
while,
you loved the Darjeeling like you did not love me.
Or,
That you were trying to bandage a wound that needed stitches.
That you were hoping for the hopeless.
All this and...
I,
I wonder
Why all that I feel is heartache?
Why does the world seem to be engulfed in darkness?
Why can't I be thankful for what I have?
